Question about the Rabbi's books

Peace, Your Honor,
I've been debating with myself about this matter of Judaism for a while now.
And the existence of God in general
I was born in a religious place that (supposedly this is just my opinion) is one of the most respected in my sector.
Two years ago I supposedly understood that it was impossible to prove the existence of God.
So I declared myself an agnostic and said that anyone who wanted to prove to me that God exists or doesn't exist was welcome.
I haven't been able to come across any proof for either side.
Not in my yeshiva, nor in atheistic formats of any kind.
I always assumed that someone smart could come along and prove one side or the other.
Therefore, taking sides is not wise and, in my opinion, it is legitimate to say that both sides are rational.
I used more social arguments to defend the rationality of the various religions (except for Islam, which I really failed at).
And in front of theists I never had a problem getting my point across, "Why should I believe in God?"
But then I came across your debate about the rationality of belief in God and all your arguments made sense to me beyond just social arguments. They made sense to me logically.
I only had one problem.
I didn't understand how you came to Judaism from Al-Daist.
I'm not asking you to explain it to me because I assume you've written dozens of books about it and that's why I bought one (God plays dice)
But in the introduction I see that you are proving something that I have already heard from you and that I think makes sense (the existence of a deist god but not the "God of Judaism") so the question is whether there is a book or
An article you can refer me to
And in general, I would like your advice because right now I'm not a believer and I'm pretty closed off from the Yeshiva.
To some extent against my will
The question is whether I should continue to research and find out whether Judaism is true (which I believe there is a good chance you will prove)
And not to take such and such steps in my life
Or try to move to a secular place
Because with all my love for Gemara and Judaism, it takes a lot of my time and I don't believe in it right now.
 
N,B
Sorry for the digging, my situation is a bit complicated.