Seeking guidance regarding basic questions of faith

Hello Rabbi!
I am the classic story of the religious person from a home who begins to raise questions about the way he was raised in the style of "who said all this was true." I suspect the rabbi has received similar inquiries more than once.
I will begin to detail the matter and hope that I do not bore the Rabbi.

I am 20 years old, born into a religious-national family, educated in serious religious institutions. During my years at the ulpana, my desire to live truly became more acute – not a life of comfort and fun, but a life of truth, to live and do what is right, true and accurate. From this I became a dosis-dosit, because the Torah is the truth, and therefore one must follow it to the end!
3 years ago, the basic questions began to arise in my mind – does God exist? Does the God of Judaism exist? Is the Torah true and divine? Or is Judaism just another one of the thousands of religions, which, like all of them, claims to be true and the rest are false. What is the likelihood that the religion I have fallen into is the true and correct one…
My confession of faith was shattered. I was not at all sure that Judaism and the Torah were true.

So I started searching and investigating from scratch, as if I believed in nothing and accepted nothing as an axiom, since all axioms are the fruit of the education I received and the beliefs I grew up with, and not necessarily assumptions I came to on my own. I questioned everything, and this of course led me to great confusion and the feeling that the ground was slipping under my feet, since there was nothing stable to lean on. Everything I thought and believed in was no longer certain to be true.
I pondered many philosophical questions and discussions, spoke with a few Torah figures, but I did not arrive at an answer that satisfied me.

That's how I ended my years at the Ulpana, and in the national service the burning questions faded on their own, probably with the preoccupation and intensity I entered into. I regained my sense of faith, I became serious again, I incorporated Torah study and I was truly a Torah-oriented figure. I continued to know that I had no answer to the questions I had, that there was still a crack in my faith and that it was incomplete, but by and large I was completely inside and preferred not to awaken the demons. (The witness's argument gave me some respite, as it is strong and I have difficulty completely refuting it. On the other hand, as an argument to base a whole life on, it is a rather weak foundation. There is something to be said about it and how to make it difficult.)

In recent months, the questions have resurfaced for me.
What sparked this was the question of the status of women in Judaism. A shocking worldview regarding women in Judaism was unfolding before my eyes, a view that was true thousands of years ago but seems so irrelevant, discriminatory, and simply wrong today.
This question touched exactly this hole that remained in my faith, and gradually opened it up even more.
Is this eternal doctrine? Is it true doctrine? It seems more like nonsense, a collection of human files, most of them nice and a few of them delusional and outdated.
It's important to me to say that the issue of women is not the point, because it's impossible for every question to undermine the foundation. Rather, it was simply what revealed what I didn't fully believe, that there was a part of me that was doubtful, and it only touched on it and expanded it.
So I went back to the basic questions.
Does God exist? Is he connected to the Torah? How did we get to this whole thing called Judaism, and who said it?! Who said all of this is true and true?! How do I know it's the truth?

I turned to many serious rabbis and Torah figures, and each such conversation only increased my feeling that there were no real answers. It was a bit heartbreaking to hear that the great people who represent the religion rely on such things.
Answers like – this is the tradition I received, it's about a people who survived thousands of years while other kingdoms fell (this is true and impressive, but still doesn't necessarily prove that their Torah is true), prophecies that came true (also true and impressive, and yet their fulfillment can be explained by different explanations), it's unlikely that such a wise, complex, and harmonious world was created by itself without knowledge (and it's more likely that a mysterious spiritual being who gave humans a written book and wants us not to pull grass on the Sabbath created it?), up to those who said that it's impossible to prove the existence of God, faith is neither reason nor emotion, it's another sense, it's inherent in you, your soul believes, you just need to reveal the faith that exists within you, and other spiritual talk that doesn't tell me anything.
Seriously? You dedicate your entire life to a certain thing and we don't have some neat, clear story that shows how you got there in the first place?

Yes, amidst this confusion, I came to 2 conclusions or thoughts.
1. I have certainty in my existence. Apart from that, we can question everything, but the fact that I exist I cannot refute. That is clear to me, and it is an axiom for me.
2. I have come to the conclusion that reason is not necessarily the way to clarity.
I am a rational person, I give great weight to reason in my decisions and choices, I see it as the most reliable and objective source I have. Therefore, with this question too, of course, I turned to reason. But with clarification, and with the help of people who discussed the matter with me, I came to the thought that perhaps it is flawed. Our reason is limited, that is clear, and in contrast, I seek the infinite and the unlimited. It is clear that the finite reason will not be able to touch and contain the infinite, so maybe this is not the direction at all?
And indeed I saw this, when I thought about the creation of the world and what created everything, both in scientific and philosophical directions, there is a point from which it is no longer possible to continue, there is a black hole, it is impossible to truly receive the full picture. The mind (mine, anyway) cannot contain and understand this, and truly touch God and these things that I ask for.
There are many good proofs, but they can always be contradicted, and for every such contradiction there is a counterargument, and for every argument there is a contradiction, and so on ad infinitum.
I understand that the Rabbi's direction is very rational (that's why I turned to him), so he may not agree with this conclusion. But I hope I explained it clearly.

Judaism is generally beautiful, religious society is good, faith gives stability and meaning to life. I would like it, really. My questions are not because I am looking to escape and live a comfortable secular life, but because I simply want to live the truth. And I really doubt whether this truth is found in the place where I grew up.
I don't have anything else that seems more true and real, right? But I won't stay in the religious world just because there's nothing else that seems better. If I'm religious, it's because I believe in it, not because I don't have anything else to believe in. On top of that, I don't know enough about other beliefs, and it's certainly possible that if I go searching among the existing beliefs and opinions, I'll find something that's more in line with my understanding.
And it is also possible that there is no truth, that there is no one more true than the other. And if so, there is no reason for me to choose the path of the yoke of commandments.

I'll briefly say something more personal and less business- I started dating someone 8 months ago, thank God it's good and we want to get married, but this matter is holding us back, we both don't want to get married like this. So these questions are not only theoretical at the moment but also affect me practically. It makes them more difficult, more burning, more stressful. This is in addition to the mental difficulty that stems from the confusion and uncertainty.

I would be happy to consult with the Rabbi. Could there be any answers? Which direction to go? What to do? I'm at a loss, and I just don't know what to do.
If the rabbi agrees and thinks it's appropriate to meet, I would be happy to do so too.

I really appreciate the accessibility, the answers to questions, and the public activity, it's not taken for granted. Thank you very much and have a good evening!