Q&A: Physical Contact Between Spouses
Physical Contact Between Spouses
Question
Hello Rabbi,
Recently Rabbanit Malka Piotrkowski opened a discussion proposing to allow physical contact between spouses.
https://www.kipa.co.il/%D7%99%D7%97%D7%A1%D7%99%D7%9D/%D7%A0%D7%A9%D7%99%D7%9D/1101196-%D7%94%D7%A8%D7%91%D7%A0%D7%99%D7%AA-%D7%A4%D7%99%D7%95%D7%98%D7%A8%D7%A7%D7%95%D7%91%D7%A1%D7%A7%D7%99-%D7%99%D7%A9-%D7%9C%D7%91%D7%97%D7%95%D7%9F-%D7%90%D7%99%D7%A1%D7%95%D7%A8-%D7%A0%D7%92%D7%99%D7%A2%D7%94-%D7%91%D7%96%D7%9E%D7%9F-%D7%A0%D7%99%D7%93%D7%94?utm_medium=AMP&utm_source=AMP&utm_campaign=%D7%A1%D7%A2%D7%A8%D7%AA%20%D7%A9%D7%9E%D7%99%D7%A8%D7%AA%20%D7%94%D7%A0%D7%92%D7%99%D7%A2%D7%94:%20%D7%94%D7%A8%D7%91%20%D7%90%D7%91%D7%99%D7%A0%D7%A8%20%D7%9E%D7%92%D7%99%D7%91%20%D7%9C%D7%A8%D7%91%D7%A0%D7%99%D7%AA%20%D7%A4%D7%99%D7%95%D7%98%D7%A8%D7%A7%D7%95%D7%91%D7%A1%D7%A7%D7%99
What do you think? Is there any basis to what she says?
And one more question:
A woman who describes a situation of physical suffering from the lack of touch from her spouse (hugging, not sex) — is there anything she can do within the bounds of Jewish law?
Answer
I haven’t read it. If there is a concrete argument you’d like to discuss, you’re welcome to raise it here.
Discussion on Answer
1. I have never argued that one should be lenient because people do not obey Jewish law. On the contrary, I strongly oppose that. I support leniency when the stringency is incorrect, and people are justified in not obeying it. So you definitely won’t find that kind of motivation אצלי.
2. I also don’t understand what is supposedly new today regarding affectionate touch between spouses. Was that not the case in the past? That doesn’t sound plausible to me.
3. Even if there is no halakhic decisor who wants to be lenient, if in her opinion one can be lenient, then let her be lenient.
4. For contact that is not affectionate, there is certainly room to be lenient, and this is an old matter. But the question is what counts as affectionate touch. Precisely between spouses, affectionate touch and touch in a sexual context are very close.
Hello.
First of all, surely her basic premise is that touch is forbidden because of the concern lest they come to intercourse.
If so, perhaps the Rabbi is not fully grasping her point. She argues that the nature of the prohibition on all touch (of affection) arose at times when there was not the knowledge and science that exist today regarding touch. Today we know that touch is a basic human need. For example: babies who grew up without human touch — this has a long-term psychological impact.
That’s nonsense. Let them restrain themselves without touch for about two weeks. If there isn’t something pathological there, there’s no reason they shouldn’t be able to manage it.
How is it possible that such a smart woman was born after a destructive, painful history of lack of touch.
Thank you
She argues that there is room to distinguish between different kinds of contact between spouses: sexual contact, and contact that is not sexual but rather touch of support/comfort. In her view, these are considerations that fit our times and were not on the table in earlier periods. In terms of her motivations, she mentions you (apparently only regarding motivations), that people transgress Jewish law and therefore it needs to be adapted because today there are additional considerations that were not taken into account in the past. She proposes distinguishing between the days of menstruation and the seven clean days.
She also claims that there are no halakhic authorities willing to open up this topic.