Q&A: Attending a Civil Wedding
Attending a Civil Wedding
Question
Hello,
I was invited to a colleague’s wedding. He and his fiancée don’t want to get married through the Rabbinate, by a rabbi, but rather through a “wedding officiant.” As a matter of principle, they are not interested in going through bridal instruction, immersion, etc. Not out of hatred, but because they want to do it in the way that seems right to them, and not carry out any “religious” tasks that they do not identify with at all. Truthfully, from their point of view I pretty much understand them..
The question is: may I / is it advisable for me to go and participate in the wedding, or is it preferable not to? I could easily make up a convincing excuse, so there is no concern about hurting his honor.
Thank you very much,
Answer
On the formal level, there is no prohibition on conducting such a wedding (except perhaps regarding the marital relations that will take place afterward. And even there I assume they are like people who were captured among the gentiles and never properly exposed to Judaism). It is permitted to hold any ceremony one wants as long as it does not involve prohibitions. Therefore, halakhically I do not see a prohibition in participating in it either. From here it follows that the decision whether or not to attend should be made according to your best assessment of the effect your presence will have on you or on them. Try to assess what would be more beneficial or less harmful. If you do not see a problem either way, then I do not see any obstacle to participating as a friendly gesture.
With blessings, Michi