Q&A: A Perplexed Gabbai
A Perplexed Gabbai
Question
The synagogue was not meant only for rich, young, smart, Ashkenazi, handsome, and tall people. It is also for people with disabilities and impairments, and indeed that is how it is run; there are several such people, and everything is fine with God’s help.
On the other hand, there is one worshipper who apparently has some kind of impairment, a little—or a lot—lacking in tact.
He comes with his babies, sits near the bimah with a stroller, noisy toys, and basically runs a little daycare during the prayer service. When candies are thrown, he shouts that there aren’t enough and that they should throw more. When the cantor sings off-key, he corrects him out loud. When the cantor is too slow, he comically rushes him along, and vice versa. At kiddush he grabs food quickly and in large amounts, eats loudly and with his hands.
In short, inappropriate and disrespectful behavior. It gives the impression that these are impairments and there is no point in talking to him; he argues about everything, and loudly.
What is the proper thing to do?
Answer
It is hard for me to give a sweeping guideline here. One has to assess whether this is an impairment or simply bad character. If it really is some kind of condition, then there is no point, because he cannot overcome it. One should know that even with a physical disability, the reason you do not comment to a person is simply that it would not help (because the disability is not in his control). It is not only in order to honor him or avoid hurting him. If a physically disabled person were disturbing the congregation because of his disability, it would in principle be proper to speak to him about it (sensitively), except that in his case it would not help, since it is not in his control, and therefore one does not comment.
But if your case is the second one—that is, not an impairment but bad character—then it is certainly proper to speak with him (respectfully) and point it out to him. The gabbai can approach him and say that many people in the synagogue are complaining (so that he will not take it personally against him). You may also be able to get a sense from how he behaves in other circumstances.