Q&A: A problematic girl. Is there an obligation to accept her into the camp? If not, she and her mother will be hurt
A problematic girl. Is there an obligation to accept her into the camp? If not, she and her mother will be hurt
Question
There is a camp run by the official organizers, a camp with lots of prizes, really worthwhile.
The problem is that there are girls there who think that during vacation anything goes, and they behave with insolence and wildness, and that corrupts the souls of the regular girls.
What should be done?
A group of mothers got organized and are making a private camp, quiet and with proper manners.
A mother of a problematic girl approached them and asked to join.
On the one hand, you don't want to insult her, so you accept her.
On the other hand, she is one of the problematic ones, and if she comes there will be chaos, insolence, and behavior that leaves a problematic mark for a long time; and if so, you may as well just send them to the official camp.
What should be done?
Answer
How do you know that she is really so problematic? You can accept her on condition that she behave properly. And if the condition is not met, remove her. There need to be some criteria according to which you operate. Otherwise, this opens the door to arbitrary discrimination and exclusion.
With God's help, 8 Tammuz 5782
To Datshe — abundant peace,
I saw in the book My Mother's House about Rebbetzin Kanievsky, of blessed memory, where it is brought in the name of the Chazon Ish that a mischievous child is not a problem; on the contrary, when a child is not mischievous, that is what should worry us.
However, when a large portion of the students are fooling around and running wild, there is great concern that they will drag along with them even the innocent and obedient ones. Therefore, education experts recommend that when creating "interaction" between students of different levels in learning ability or motivation, the weaker ones should not be more than a third, so that the clearly noticeable strong majority will draw along the problematic minority.
It seems to me, in my humble opinion, that this is the guidance of a rabbi to his student, Rav Shmuel bar Shilat, who was a teacher: "Whoever reads, reads; and whoever does not read — let him be company for his friends," and the "social dynamics" in the classroom will instill motivation even in one who is not so interested in learning. So if there are one or two problematic girls, the risk that they will drag the others after them is not great.
It is also worthwhile, in my humble opinion, to get an individual assessment from a professional regarding the student's behavioral problems. Sometimes understanding the "root of the rebellion" makes proper treatment possible and solves the problem. Sometimes it is a matter of hyperactivity or a search for attention, where assigning interesting tasks to the problematic student allows him or her to prove himself or herself in the unique area in which he or she excels.
It should also be noted that there are behavioral problems that appear דווקא because of the burden of schoolwork, which may bore the student, or perhaps he or she has attention and concentration difficulties—problems that do not exist in a camp, where the main activity is freer and more engaging. And not for nothing was the festival of the Rejoicing of the Torah made, with much dancing, as a celebration for those with "scattered attention" 🙂
With blessings for a successful camp, Hanokh Henekh Feinshmaker-Palti