Q&A: Frustrations
Frustrations
Question
Hello Rabbi,
In my previous role as a basic-training squad commander, I felt a lot of frustration: from soldiers who caused problems, from the nonstop work, from the demands of the commanders above me, from the lack of appreciation, from the lack of obvious success, and more. Even though, by the “measure of truth,” I knew that my role was important, I still wasn’t able to focus on the main thing and remained frustrated, and I tried to avoid it even though sometimes that could have harmed the soldiers’ training (laziness, for example). In contrast, I see, for example, a commander currently serving with me in the company unit (today I’m a sergeant) whose soldiers are probably harder than mine were, and I don’t think he feels he’s a particularly good commander. But he still comes back to the staff with a smile as if nothing happened, and his joy in life doesn’t seem to be harmed by it too much.
Thank God, I finished that role and moved on to another one that is more comfortable and less frustrating.
What worries me is that I think the challenges in the army are a prototype for every challenge in life. There will always be situations that are not “fun,” to put it mildly; there will always be other people who aren’t easy to deal with; there will always be Sisyphean work that you don’t always want to do.
My question is: how do I avoid that kind of frustration in the future? Because as I mentioned, right now everything is fine, but thank God, that’s just my current life situation. It’s clear to me that in the future it won’t always be like this, and I don’t want to experience that kind of frustration every time. How do I “take things more easily”? How do I manage to see the good even in things that are less comfortable?
Thank you very much,
Happy New Year
Answer
Hello A.,
Your question can be addressed on two levels:
1. The philosophical level (how do you reach the conclusion that you ought to be satisfied with your situation? Is that really true?).
2. The psychological level (how do you internalize that conclusion and avoid feelings that contradict it?).
Although quite a few people mix these two levels together — chief among them Viktor Frankl, who subordinates philosophy to psychology — I make a point of distinguishing between them. If on the philosophical level you understand that you are engaged in the right thing, then all I can say is that you should tell yourself that again and again, and convince yourself to be satisfied. You are doing everything in your power for goals that are worthwhile in your eyes. I should note that despite the methodological problem with mixing the two levels, I very much believe that psychological difficulties are not entirely disconnected from the philosophical level. If you philosophically convince yourself that you are acting correctly and properly, it may also help on the psychological level.
If you still have psychological difficulty doing this (the second level), I do not see myself as qualified or knowledgeable enough to help.
May you be sealed for a good year,