Q&A: Guidance
Guidance
Question
Hello, Honorable Rabbi,
How are you?
I wanted to update you on my current situation, and maybe you can help a little.
Fortunately, my military service is about to end. It really was a very challenging experience, but I’m glad it’s nearing its end. I went through some very frustrating stages, especially as a squad commander, and I’m not sure whether they were even connected to matters of “spirit” or were simply frustration with the role. Although I feel that I contributed, I believe my sense of frustration showed that the army is not the place for me.
Before I joined the army, I was counting on the fact that even though I felt dissatisfied in my faith and had a general sense of frustration, over the coming three years I would surely be able to make progress, “clarify” things, and enter the world with a clear outlook, happy and with a good heart.
But that is not what happened—I am going to be discharged from the army, and I do not feel that I succeeded in accomplishing that mission. True, I can’t say that I made no progress at all. There are principles I am confident about—my free choice, the very fact of my consciousness, some kind of mystery that exists beyond matter—and it took me time to gain sufficient confidence even in those areas. I am also glad that I am critical, that I feel I am striving for truth and not doing things “just because.”
But beyond what I mentioned, I do not feel much certainty. Prayer is difficult for me, being careful in observing the commandments is difficult for me, and the worldview is difficult for me too—and not out of laziness (or at least that is what I want to believe). It’s not that there is nothing there, not that I don’t feel that the Torah refines me, purifies me, creates a personality that is not ruled by desires (although the Rabbi should forgive me, but in beliefs like Buddhism I found that there too the approach is one of improving the personality, detaching from material achievements, and things that seem true to me as well), and not that there aren’t unique things in our people—but I still don’t feel that it is enough. Not enough to feel completely whole with keeping all the Jewish laws, to see our way of life as the ultimate way of life. And it is not simple to live this way, feeling that maybe “this isn’t it.” And not as a chronic doubter, where about everything one can say, “But maybe not?”—I feel I’ve progressed a little from that point. Rather, it is truly from a feeling of lack of real connection. And I would want the way of life I advocate to be one that “I sign my name to,” and thereby feel confidence and joy in living it.
And that does not mean there is some other way of life that is specifically better, and that I’ll throw everything away and move over to it. I am simply expressing my difficulty with my current way of life. Because whatever I choose, I want to do it wholeheartedly, from within an understanding that this is the true and right thing to do. And not from within a forced feeling that “there’s nothing to do, it’s part of Judaism and therefore you’ll do this too,” but from within personal desire and faith that my actions really do contribute.
And at this stage I am a bit afraid and frustrated. Here I am, about to be discharged, 22 years old, starting university, already at the age when one can begin looking for a wife, and still the situation is limping along. If not now, when? How long will I be forced to remain in this kind of in-between state? Will I always have to do things and live a life without identification?
I also read a lot, not necessarily holy books, because I felt that sometimes that kind of reading frustrates me even more. I try to broaden my horizons in different subjects. The books do make me wiser, but I do not know how much they help with the problems I mentioned.
I also try to impose a more optimistic approach on my life, but sometimes the objective situations make that difficult for me, and in addition that method too does not really answer my problems in the end (at least as far as I believe my problems depend on such things).
I would be glad if you could advise me how it is possible to move forward from here. I am not at the stage of chronic skepticism, where I cannot know anything, but beyond basic principles I do not feel that I have enough identification to be able to live a life of Torah and commandments through it. How can one move forward from here? How can one feel a real connection?
Thank you very much.
Sabbath Hello.
Answer
A., hello.
First of all, I wish you success in civilian life in whatever you do.
Second, I do not look to Judaism for solutions to life problems. Even if Buddhism did not do such things, there is psychology and there are psychologists who help solve problems. One observes Jewish law not because it is useful for a better life, but because there is an obligation to do so, as part of serving God. He created us and He commanded us to do this. I assume there is some other contribution in it, otherwise He would not simply impose it on us for no reason, but my commitment is not conditional on understanding the benefits that come from observing the commandments, nor on a “feeling of real connection,” as you wrote.
Therefore, it is possible to do these things out of identification, except that the identification is founded on faith and not on a direct understanding of the benefit. On the contrary, acting out of an understanding of the benefit contains something not for its own sake—like one who gives charity on condition that his son will live, or in order that he merit life in the World to Come.
And third, the system of commandments is very intricate, and it is clear that it developed over the generations and the years. I am certain that a considerable part of it was not in the original intention of the Giver of the Torah, but He gave the Torah with our understanding in mind, and according to what we understand it to say. It also contains parts that are not relevant and that ought to be changed, except that we are stuck without a Sanhedrin and with fears of Reform and secular enlightenment and so on. I have just finished writing a book that speaks about this and about what can be done. And still, I think that despite the criticism, and although one can study and decide for oneself what one is obligated in and what not—this is not a reason to give up the commitment itself.
I think that after one reaches the kind of identification I described (intellectual identification and not emotional), a certain calmness also arrives on the emotional level (together with the need to study and decide our path).
I hope this helped in some way.
All the best, and again, good luck,
Discussion on Answer
Not yet. Right now I’m looking for a way to publish it, and there will be updates here on the site.
Where can one buy the book the Rabbi mentioned?