Question

Peace unto you, honored Rabbi,
I am a young man in my early twenties, and until now I studied in prominent Haredi yeshivot. Recently, though, I have been studying more independently and freely, and as a result I discovered how deeply I had been immersed in a very fixed and highly specific pattern of thinking until now—something I could only notice once I was no longer inside the framework. In my opinion, most people from all camps and types are captive to thought patterns because they are inside some framework, whether yeshiva, academic, military, and the like; only someone who steps outside is able to notice it. In any case, since then I have been shattering one myth after another. It started with things that are secondary, if not actually foreign, to the spirit of Judaism—graves of righteous men, blind faith in righteous figures, study without deep understanding, and all sorts of empty slogans that I have heard countless times. But now it is beginning to reach matters of the principles of faith themselves: belief that the Torah is from Heaven and the way it was transmitted through the generations, the attitude toward the Oral Torah, the meaning of belief in God and what it should be based on. I feel that I am close to doubting even these, as a result of my study in this area. I looked for thinkers who provide answers; 99% did not provide an answer. Some time ago I found the books of Professor Yeshayahu Leibowitz, and they settled my mind and deeply influenced me in my conception of faith and commandment observance. However, I also found many contradictions and cracks in his thought that cannot be resolved, until I heard in his name that he said the world is full of paradoxes and his thought is part of the world [I do not know if he really said that]. In the meantime I also found the Rabbi, may he live long, and I too have been greatly influenced. I listened to many lectures—for example, the series on the hermeneutical principles, which was a topic that interested me very much and gave me no rest, and many other lectures and articles.
As for my main question: I would be very glad if the Rabbi could give me advice on how to continue conducting my life properly in Torah and commandments, out of a deep understanding of these matters and an inner personal connection—”a Torah of life.” My feeling is that most commandment-observant people do not really live the Torah, even those who outwardly seem to; rather, they are immersed in the routine of their days and do not think too much—that is how it seems to me, though I may be mistaken. How can I reconcile Torah and commandments within myself out of genuine identification, especially in today’s reality, where the world is not run according to Torah values and many times it feels as if the Torah is no longer all that relevant to my daily life.
Another thing that troubles me is my lack of general knowledge. By nature of things, I did not do matriculation exams, etc., and I feel this makes it hard for me to truly connect to life in the broader world. I would be glad to hear your opinion about how I should proceed from here in that regard.
Forgive the length; I am simply very troubled by all of this, and the honored Rabbi, may he live long, has influenced me greatly with his words in helping settle my mind, and I would be very glad to hear your opinion about what I should do.
Thank you very much for everything you do for us; you are truly saving souls. More power to you.