Q&A: Character Refinement
Character Refinement
Question
Hello Rabbi,
It is commonly accepted that character refinement means changing the very nature of the soul for the better, and not merely behaving properly.
On the face of it, our own eyes see that this simply does not work. People talk about it, but in practice they manage at most to train themselves to restrain and soften their reactions, but not to change the inner trait within the soul. That is what I see in myself, and that is what several friends told me when I asked them. Everyone said that maybe it only does not work for them, but for others it does…
If so, it would seem more comfortable to claim that there is no such thing as refining the traits themselves, but only acquiring proper conduct, and that this is the practical commandment of walking in God’s ways. It seems there is no proof against this in the words of the Sages, and therefore it is reasonable that refining the traits themselves is a philosophical theory (perhaps of Aristotle, and perhaps even earlier) that does not stand the test of reality.
What does the Rabbi think?
Thank you
Answer
I do not think you are right. A person undergoes changes inwardly as well, and can bring this about (actions shape the heart). Usually these are not dramatic changes from one extreme to the other, but to say there are no changes seems detached from reality to me. Rabbi Israel Salanter said that it is harder to correct one character trait in the soul than to keep the entire Torah (something like that); it is difficult, but possible.
Discussion on Answer
Do you really think it succeeds? I wonder.
Of course it succeeds; I personally know people like that. True, it does not work for everyone, but there are some impressive successes. Overall, people just need someone they trust and have confidence in (an empathetic therapist), and they do very well in changing themselves.
I am not all that knowledgeable, but I would guess that successful treatments help a person in one of two ways: either to change his thinking in relation to reality—and thought can certainly be changed—or they help deal with the reaction. I do not believe that a person who goes for such treatment can change the trait of jealousy or anger at its root.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.iapp-children.org/review/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/outcome-treatments2.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwj91reZp_3hAhXlSxUIHen4DSsQFjADegQIARAB&usg=AOvVaw1xOyJf_LpVi_sfUXmEKQuL
For Yehuda
Yehuda,
You are describing cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), not analytic (psychodynamic) therapy. Cognitive therapy does indeed focus on thoughts and actions and does not claim to solve the problem at its root. By contrast, psychoanalytic treatment tries to reach the root of the problem, in the subconscious, and treat it.
And in your opinion, Shai, if I go to a psychoanalytic therapist and ask him to change the trait of jealousy within me so that I will no longer feel jealousy toward others, will he succeed?
Shai, regarding personal acquaintance, I recommend my column on the law of small numbers and Breaking the Silence. From a quick skim of the article you linked to, I get the impression that in the final analysis it mainly tries to argue that non-systematic studies also have value, because systematic studies on the effectiveness of psychoanalytic-psychodynamic treatment are almost impossible to conduct. In particular, double-blinding is nearly impossible there (which means placebo is not neutralized).
It is not an exact science; there is no way to be sure. It is worth trying.
Character traits do not come about “just like that”; they have a cause.
For example: if an analytic therapist meets a person who is jealous of others (which others? siblings? neighbors? the whole world?), he will examine with him what brings him to that jealousy. Maybe it is because he feels insecure about himself and feels that others overshadow him. If they suspect that this is the reason for his trait of jealousy, then together they will try to find ways to cultivate self-confidence in him, and the jealousy will automatically decrease. True, the example is shallow and banal, but that is the style; usually the cases are much more complex.
Intended for Yehuda
Rabbi Michi, of course I also know many people whom psychological treatment did not help.
In my humble opinion, I think placebo in psychological treatment is one of the biggest accelerants of the treatment; sometimes the very belief in the therapist helps, even if the therapist is not actually certified.
In the psychological literature they already speak about a “good-enough therapist.”
Yehuda, how would you explain the psychotherapy industry that is flourishing nowadays?
Psychological treatment does succeed in changing people’s character traits, admittedly after many years of treatment, but there are still some impressive successes.