Q&A: Mourning Customs
Mourning Customs
Question
Hello Rabbi,
Rabbi Melamed writes in Peninei Halakha:
Although according to the enactment of the Sages the prohibition on bathing applies only on Tisha B’Av itself, the medieval authorities (Rishonim) adopted the practice of being stringent about bathing also during the days before Tisha B’Av. In Spain, many had the custom to be stringent and not bathe in hot water during the week in which Tisha B’Av falls, whereas in Ashkenaz the custom was not to bathe at all during the Nine Days, even in cold water, and only toward Shabbat Hazon would they wash a bit in cold water (Shulchan Arukh 551:16; Mishnah Berurah there; Kaf HaChayim 186). But nowadays habits of cleanliness and bathing have changed completely. In the past there was no running water in homes, so bathing was considered a special event of pleasure and indulgence, and people hardly suffered from refraining from bathing. But today, when everyone is accustomed to bathing, bathing has become routine, and many are used to bathing every day with soap, and if they do not bathe for one day they suffer, and some even have difficulty falling asleep because of it. Therefore, anyone who feels distress from not having bathed may bathe and may use soap and shampoo to wash his hair. He should bathe in lukewarm and not hot water, so that he not derive pleasure from the bathing, and his whole intent should be only cleanliness. And so too according to the custom of those of Ashkenazic descent throughout the entire Nine Days, and according to the custom of those of Sephardic descent during the week in which Tisha B’Av falls, but before that it is permitted according to the custom of those of Sephardic descent to bathe in hot water for pleasure.
It seems that he is right. The question is: why not say the same regarding other mourning laws as well (even though bathing is only from the medieval authorities), for example, today wearing clean clothes is elementary, and people do not change clothes only once a week. And laundering and ironing do not distract from mourning, etc.
There are educational considerations, such as that one cannot be so indulgent, and in any case people are not really mourning, etc. One can answer those. But it seems that even if they are correct, they are not enough.
So practically speaking, is there room to be lenient?
Answer
There is another difference: in Europe it was cold, while here it is hotter, and therefore it is reasonable to bathe every day. There is definitely room to be lenient in other areas as well.
Discussion on Answer
Where this is an actual law, it is more difficult (because there is the issue that when the reason is nullified, the enactment is not nullified). But when it is a custom, there is room to be lenient.
Could the Rabbi please elaborate on his last answer in our context—laundering, wearing clean clothes, etc.?
Laundering and wearing laundered clothes were forbidden by explicit Talmudic law during the week in which Tisha B’Av falls (Ta’anit 26b). Therefore there it is preferable not to be lenient. During the Nine Days this is an Ashkenazic custom, and therefore there there is room to be lenient.
Bathing is forbidden by law only on Tisha B’Av itself, and all the rest is custom, and there one should be lenient. Although even there it is proper not to bathe for pleasure but only for cleanliness, and therefore the practice was to use water that is not really hot.
So for example laundering or wearing clean clothes—can one be lenient?