Q&A: A Miserable Haredi
A Miserable Haredi
Question
Dear Rabbi, hello,
What should a Haredi young man do in the marriage market if he prefers a girl from the Religious Zionist community, but every normal person understands that this is a ridiculous dream, since a Haredi is basically treated as utterly undesirable in the religious public, and certainly in the non-Hardal public?
Is this simply a prison?????????
Answer
Again I hesitated whether to delete this. There is no question here. I decided, out of doubt, to leave it up.
He is not utterly undesirable, but his chances are indeed quite slim. Either he should stop being Haredi, or give up what he wants.
Discussion on Answer
A. Miserable not in terms of self-image, but in objective reality.
A Haredi person (poor guy, he was born to such parents, and that is the trial the Holy One, blessed be He, placed him in) who abandoned Haredism has returned to Judaism and conducts himself honestly.
Why do you think he's miserable?
He is a complete penitent, and he has a good chance both for a normal life in this world and certainly for an excellent life in the World to Come.
With God's help, Saturday night, Lag BaOmer 5782
To His Honor, the complete one,
The first rule of wisdom in matchmaking is to raise your self-image. A woman expects her husband to be an "anchor" for her, a solid peg she can rely on. Someone who sees himself as "miserable" — it will be very hard for his wife to see him as an "anchor."
Military service (for example in the Haredi Nahal, Shahar, or a "Haredi hesder yeshiva") and a profession that can more easily be acquired in Haredi-military frameworks are also factors that will "raise your standing" in the eyes of a Religious Zionist girl. And a personal connection you have with a Haredi-Leumi rabbi, for example Rabbi Yehoshua Shapira, head of the Ramat Gan yeshiva, can also help you find what you are looking for.
May it be God's will that He who "settles the solitary in a home" will help you fulfill all the wishes of your heart for the good.
With blessing,
Hillel Feiner-Gluskinos