Q&A: Grandfather with a Short Fuse
Grandfather with a Short Fuse
Question
The grandfather has a sharp tongue and a short fuse.
A bit by nature, a0
and a bit because of age, illness, and constant pain.
Now his granddaughter is about to enter into marriage, but the bride does not want him to come at all.
The parents are torn: should they honor him and hurt the bride, or honor the bride and hurt him?
It is impossible to persuade the bride.
What should be done?
Answer
The event is meant to make the bride happy, so in my opinion it is better not to invite him. Maybe it would be possible to speak with him and present the problem to him directly, so that he himself understands that he needs to appease her and try to change his ways. Then perhaps she too will compromise.
Discussion on Answer
With God’s help, 8 Shevat 5784
The problem is complicated. On the one hand, the grandfather may cause embarrassment, but on the other hand, the commandment of honoring parents and grandparents, and revering them, was also said about an “embarrassing parent” who takes off his shoe and strikes his son in public. So in my humble opinion, the bride and her parents cannot simply not invite him. This is the reality, and they have to manage with it, and the suffering involved in honoring a parent is part of the reward for the commandment.
What can be done in my humble opinion is: a0
A. After all, they know the grandfathers sensitivities, and if they know his “quirks,” they can prepare in advance to meet his needs. It would actually be a wonderful exercise for the bride in being accommodating, real “provisions for the journey” toward a good marriage, all of which depends on the ability to make room for the other.
B. A bride under the wedding canopy is usually on such a high that in the moment itself she wont notice the grandfathers presence at all, or what he says or does. And he too will be in an uplifted mood seeing his granddaughter under the wedding canopy, and a good mood increases the chance that hell be pleasant.
With blessings of congratulations to all three generations, Fish”l
The comparison to an embarrassing parent is not correct. If he comes and embarrasses me, I am supposed to overlook it. But I am not obligated to invite him when I know in advance that he will embarrass me.
Hes the kind of person who is locked into strange “thought” patterns
and doesnt think much.
A common boor,
so theres no one to talk to…,