Q&A: Staying a Normal Haredi?
Staying a Normal Haredi?
Question
Hello Rabbi, I need to consult with you and would be glad to hear your opinion.
I was born in Bnei Brak to a Lithuanian Haredi family, grew up in Lithuanian yeshivas, and to this day I am still in a Lithuanian yeshiva.
A year ago I decided to buy a non-kosher phone so I could develop and so on.
I got to know you and bought your books, really enjoyed them, and to this day I listen to what you say.
Little by little I understood that the Lithuanians are far from the Vilna Gaon’s approach and tend more toward extremism (at least where I grew up), and I realized that the standard Haredi outlook is not the ideal. In another year, with God’s help, I will enlist in the army.
I asked myself whether it is worthwhile for me to remain within the boundaries of the Lithuanian environment.
I came to know Rabbi Yehoshua Enbal, a great rabbi, a rational and wise person, and I like his approach.
In your opinion, is it worthwhile for me to stay?
Thank you, and sorry for the length.
Answer
I don’t understand the question.
In my opinion, Haredi society is a distorted society, so my answer is predictable. If you also feel that way, then what is there for me to add? I understand that there are constraints—family and society—but in that only you understand and know your situation. I also didn’t understand why you mentioned Rabbi Enbal.
Discussion on Answer
I’m not a sociological adviser. If Rabbi Enbal seems right to you, maybe he has recommendations for a community in his spirit.
I fled Lithuanian Haredi society with my wife and children.
It’s much harder and the prices are much higher than for an unmarried yeshiva guy.
But when you understand that the Creator’s will and upright, normal living are not in Haredi society, there is no escape.
Run today.
Tomorrow it will be a little harder.
The day after tomorrow, already twice as hard.
That way you and your descendants after you will have both this world and the World to Come.
Note that if you are not planning to remain a man of the sacred vessel, the next hard challenge after the army will be completing matriculation, especially English and math. It would be worth your while to start working on both so you can see where you stand. Google Translate, as well as AI, provide technical solutions, but academic institutions demand more, and it is worth starting to prepare in advance.
It’s also worth arriving at the army prepared, at least with the basic exercises—2000-meter runs, pull-ups, push-ups, and sit-ups. It’s a shame to crash and lower your profile.
Personally, I don’t think there’s any problem with wearing a white shirt and living in Bnei Brak.
I don’t find myself belonging to any society. I feel I belong with specific people, and that’s enough for me. For not everyone that’s enough, and in my opinion unfortunately there is no solution. You put on some kind of mask and go with the public that is most similar to you. In my opinion that actually is Religious Zionist society (certain communities), but there are also Haredi communities like that. I know a Jerusalemite Haredi synagogue that houses a community of “heretics” who send their sons to the army and study the books of ‘Michi Abraham’ between aliyot to the Torah. I’m sure there are at least a few more like that.
Again, in my opinion, you won’t find absolute belonging in any large community, certainly not in a public sector as such.
I think there is a certain “mission” in being a Haredi youth and spreading the message, trying to bring about change from within. I’m optimistic (not about converting the hard core of Haredi society, but about expanding the margins and giving legitimacy to independent thought and modern values).
I mentioned Rabbi Yehoshua Enbal because he is unusual in the landscape of that society.
What camp can I join? I don’t connect with the Religious Zionists.
Is it possible to be in Haredi society without belonging to any camp? Just because of family and things like that, or is that not possible?