According to the entry about you on Wikipedia, you studied in a high school yeshiva and seder, after the army you became closer to secular views (by the way, I remember you writing that your parents laughed at you when you told them about a guy who was cured of jaundice by pigeons. Were they secular?), you returned to religion and studied at several Haredi institutions while simultaneously pursuing academic studies.
Your posts and your ability to express your thoughts verbally and in writing are very, very impressive. The questions I will ask are asked with complete seriousness, and I apologize in advance if they cause any unpleasant feelings.
I'm curious where you "got it" from? Did you take courses from someone in an organized way like you do on YouTube? Does it come from books? Did you always know you wanted to be a "thinking person" and pursue it? Did you improve your abilities over the years or were you always smart and studying philosophy only sharpened things you already had? Are there things you once thought/wrote and now you say to yourself "what nonsense I was talking about"? Did you always have the confidence to present your opinions without fear or did it take time for you to trust your abilities? Did someone encourage you to express your opinions in public? Were you "afraid" at first that people smarter than you would laugh at you and point out your ignorance? Were you afraid of "losing" in an argument with someone? When did you feel like you could argue with great and good people, both allies and non-allies, on a variety of topics and that you were no less capable than them?
God willing, when I grow up (I'm 16 and a half, yeshiva high school, my father converted, my mother is not religious. There are many discussions at home.) I also want to express myself like this, and distinguish between subtle differences. There are times when I don't even understand the difference between an opinion and an opinion. The problem is that my toolbox is empty for now. Not to mention the frustrating fact that most of the time I don't get to the bottom of your thinking and don't understand what you're talking about. Even when I try to think about a certain topic independently, I find that I don't know how to decide between the thoughts here and there and everything gets mixed up for me. For example, I read an article by Yuval Noah Harari and it was very convincing, then I read your response and it was also very convincing. It scares me that I will always agree with the conclusions of the last one I read. Many times there are also concerns about what other smart people will say about this thing? Do I have your back? If they didn't say the same thing as me, then what are the chances that I'm right? I wonder what Michael Abraham thinks about X, I wonder what Jordan Peterson thinks about Y, surely what they say is the truth… Every now and then I find ideas in you and other thinkers that I thought about in a very childish and superficial way at first, and suddenly I see that you expand and explain and clarify the subject in an enviable way. How?