National Religious / Haredi

I grew up in a national religious home (Medot Hamizrah, in the south)… In the 7th grade I got stronger and wanted to learn more Torah… I went to Talmud Torah for a year and another 6 years in a Haredi yeshiva… For the past year and a half, I have been very preoccupied with topics in "Israeli thought" (forgive me for calling it that) and I have heard a lot of content from Rabbi Sharki… I strongly believe in the path of Zionism… and in the path of the Modern-Orthodox… Now I find myself at a dead end… I don't know what to do… I want to start studying now in a Haredi yeshiva (like Mitzpe Jericho and the like)… My questions are:

1. The feeling of lack of belonging… is present in both the ultra-Orthodox and the national religious communities. Is this a problem? And if so, can it be solved?
2. Regarding matchmaking… I've been dating for a year… Will I now have to wait a while to integrate into the national religious community (if I do so) so that girls in the ulpans will want to hear such a proposal?
3. I have the guts to take this step of changing gender. If so, would you recommend changing clothes?
4. Continuing from the previous one: I understood that you claim that dressing like an ultra-Orthodox is blasphemy against God. Did you say that jokingly or seriously? And if seriously: why? And again, if seriously: why do you sometimes dress like an ultra-Orthodox?
5. Where can I read about your criticisms of the national religious public (in which columns)?