Q&A: Regarding the story of Rav Rehumi’s wife
Regarding the story of Rav Rehumi’s wife
Question
There is a passage in tractate Ketubot about Rav Rehumi, who one time did not return on Yom Kippur, and his wife cried, and he fell and died. There is an explanation of this Talmudic passage by Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz—but even after all the explanations, I still don’t understand: surely his wife was much more distressed and found it much harder when her husband died, so why was she also “punished” for the fact that he was in the wrong—and he was taken from her?
Answer
Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz’s explanation has always seemed extremely problematic to me. In my view, this story too is aggadic literature, and its role is to teach us that it is important to be considerate toward one’s wife even in small matters. It is not necessarily a description of events that actually happened, and therefore it is not worthwhile to be overly exacting about the details of the story and their justification.
Very interesting,
the questioner needs to understand that spouses are one. What hurts her hurts him. She cried (and did not pray that he should die), and from Heaven they punished him, and because a couple is one—she too suffered from his absence—for each one has to care for the other, and the wife is supposed to be a help to her husband, so she should tell him not to linger in the synagogue/study hall without preparing her in advance. For “the righteous man knows the soul of his beast,” so all the more so his wife, and it is forbidden to cause one’s wife pain at all. “And they shall become one flesh.” He is her—she is him. If they merit it, the Divine Presence is between them; if they do not merit it, fire consumes them.
B. It could be that the story is true, and by chance—Murphy’s law—her husband died close to the time of her crying.
What is most interesting in this story is that the Talmud recorded it and was precise about the names (Rav Rehumi). That indicates the story’s reliability.
C. It could be that his death happened to occur on Yom Kippur, and he was delayed in returning because he had died, and she did not know but cried, and afterward they thought that her crying caused his death.
In my opinion, one shouldn’t “linger” too much over small things; it’s unnecessary, but a little time and thought help a lot! And they don’t hurt. There is reward for that too.