Question

To the honor of Rabbi Dr. Michael Abraham,
Greetings and blessings.
 
As someone with serious doubts and struggles in matters of faith, I am interested in—and also read—your books (especially God Does Not Play Dice) and articles, and I try to find some kind of foothold in the religion of our ancestors. But then this nagging question keeps coming up for me, as follows:
Isn’t it a betrayal of the truth when we try to reconcile the reality of the Holy One, blessed be He, with scientific findings and with philosophy, when it is much easier to deny God unless proven otherwise?
I’ll explain where the question comes from…
The feeling is that I am clinging to something with all my strength, and trying at any cost (even at the cost of giving up religious axioms, of course) to explain God in the face of the flood of information that mostly contradicts His existence, or the messages that claim to speak in His name…
After all, in the end, if we go down the path in which we peel away the layers and cling to the core—for example, broadly speaking, rejecting the notion of Torah from Heaven for the most part, as you suggest in one way or another—doesn’t the core itself become nullified, like testimony that is partially invalidated? Except here it is not just part of it that is invalidated, but most of it!!
I’ll just note that for me, this is the last straw: the very fact that I need to invent a new faith (it’s hard to call it anything else) in order to preserve something that perhaps does not exist and does not need my protection… On the one hand, I want this, because it would make it easier for me to continue being religious (also inwardly), especially in light of the fact that I am married and a father of children, and I would not want that to fall apart, Heaven forbid…
On the other hand, I’m in a dilemma—is there something that might convince the already convinced? Like me? Or in other words, am I doomed to keep twisting myself into knots my whole life in order to justify my religious faith?
It is important to me not to let go, and I am ready to keep fighting, but I would be happy if you would tell me that there is something to stand on.
Is there any chance that I can receive even a little of the confidence you have when you speak about God? Because I want that very much, more than anything else in the world…. It would put an awful lot of things in my life in order, including life itself =)
If so… please point me in the right direction…
 
Thank you very, very much in advance for your reply.
With great admiration and appreciation,
I, the small one