Q&A: Standards of Modesty
Standards of Modesty
Question
Hello, with great respect for the Rabbi’s Torah learning,
A few days ago I approached the Rabbi with a question about the law regarding the “thigh/shank” in Mishnah Berurah 75:1, note 2.
I received his reply: “…Bottom line, none of these halakhic authorities has any authority, and these matters are determined by common sense and by place and time — especially in the laws of modesty.” End quote.
My family and I are fairly new to the Religious Zionist educational system. After decades of belonging to the Haredi world, we decided the time had come to leave, and we found ourselves sending our children to state religious schools (in Har Nof, Jerusalem).
Following his answer — and especially with regard to the storm it caused, as mentioned above — I began to wonder: what exactly are the parameters of “common sense, place, and time”?
My daughters are asking for an explanation regarding questions of modest dress, and we find ourselves in a bind…
The halakhic give-and-take is very familiar to me, but it is not helpful as an explanation for my daughters.
Can “common sense, place, and time” be grounds for deciding not to “swim against the current”…?
I should note that I received explanations from the “spiritual administrators” of the state religious system; their explanations seem more fitting for the system as a whole, but what about the private individual who finds himself part of it?
These matters are tormenting us, and we are looking for a way out…
In advance, thank you
Answer
Hello B.,
First of all, welcome, and more power to you for your independence.
Second, it seems to me that the “current” is definitely a measure of what counts as a reasonable and proper norm. So this is not about swimming with the current; rather, the current itself is part of the proper criterion. This is unlike other questions, where even if the current thinks X, you can think and act Y. Modesty is something that is determined, among other things, by the current. But even beyond the laws of modesty, one must also take into account the system one is in. If an educational institution sets dress norms, they should be respected even if you think those are not the correct boundaries of modesty. At the end of the day, you are not alone in the world, and your actions and appearance affect others too. Just as on the road I do not drive however I feel like driving, because even if for myself I can decide and take risks, my actions endanger others as well. True, if there is severe harm to the individual, he does not always have to take the environment into account, but usually that is not the case.
I think it is possible to explain to children (at least from a certain age) that there are reasonable standards of modesty, even if we do not have precise measures to determine them. The Holy One, blessed be He, expects us to behave properly. For example, the Torah commands, “And you shall do what is upright and good,” but nowhere defines what exactly is upright and good (and of course there are disagreements in different situations about what is upright and good). Apparently it relies on us to understand on our own, using our common sense. And even though there are disagreements between people, because common sense is not mathematics, and perhaps there is even more than one correct answer, a person should act according to how he understands. That itself is what the Torah expects of us.
An example of this is the search for a correct socioeconomic system according to the Torah. In my view, such a search is mistaken, because the Torah merely expects us to act in a moral, just, and proper way. If you are a socialist, then the Torah wants you to act that way; and if you are a capitalist, then the Torah wants you to act that way. I have been young and now am old, and I have never seen someone who was personally a socialist and, because of what he found in the Torah, became a capitalist, or vice versa. Everyone de facto plants his own values into the Torah, and then gets the feeling that he found guidance there for his worldview. So why do this at all?! Just do what you think is right, without forcing the Torah into it. Of course, if there is a specific command against what you think, then you must submit to it, but when there is none, there is none. That does not mean this is a neutral area that is unimportant to the Torah. There is a will of the Torah here, but because these are complex problems that depend on society, norms, and the socioeconomic situation, it did not lay down specific requirements. In such situations, the will of the Torah is that we act according to our understanding (our genuine understanding — not our urges).
As an aside: life in a non-Haredi system is difficult partly because of this. The Haredi system tries to root all customs and norms in binding and uniform Jewish law. Even though that is not correct, it is of course educationally easier. In the non-Haredi system (or the Hardal one), the situation is different, and this creates educational difficulty. But once you have chosen this direction, it seems to me there is no choice but to face it head-on and explain to yourselves and to the children that this is the situation. One has to internalize that the will of the Torah is not always expressed in uniform and rigid norms, and still that does not exempt us from seeking what is right and proper for us in our situation (and also from taking the environment into account, as stated). The weight of “And you shall do what is upright and good” in such a system is much greater than in the Haredi system.
Much success,