Q&A: A Moral Dilemma
A Moral Dilemma
Question
To the honorable Rabbi Dr. Michael Abraham,
Greetings!
A small dilemma came up for me recently, and I wanted to share it with you:
I am a yeshiva student, and about a month ago I went out to take care of something in the city (during a break), and I came across an elderly disabled man with one leg amputated, who asked me to carry him to the nearby square (it wasn’t that far).
Obviously I answered yes (for moral reasons)! Even as I was calculating my time, aware that I would be late for the upcoming lesson. I started carrying him with very great effort (an elderly man weighing at least 90 kg, uphill). But I felt satisfaction from the fact that I was doing the right thing and helping a person who needed it.
But things started getting complicated… When we got to the square, the man said, “to the grocery store,” and from the grocery store it became “to the intersection,” and so on and so on—it turned into a whole tour of the city, and it drained a lot of my strength (and cost me a missed lesson).
It made me very angry that the man had apparently lied to me from the outset and had not told me the truth—that he wanted me to carry him for a long time (and I assume this was a walk for his sake, and not really a concrete need for something specific). I came back deeply upset about that elderly man—and that was how the day ended.
About two months later, at exactly the same time, I passed through that same area, and I was with a friend. And there we met that same elderly man being carried by someone else, and that person left him there. My friend thought he was a beggar and brushed him off with a wave of the hand, but I already understood what this was about, and when he asked me as usual for “just to the square,” my friend readily agreed, while I was thinking it over.
One thing led to another, and we started carrying him “to the square,” and when I told my friend about the problem we had now gotten ourselves into (and this time there was also an important test at the yeshiva), and also that it was likely his walking time and that he asks various people to carry him, as well as the fact that he “lies” with “to the square” when really it’s a long and exhausting route, we insisted that this time it really would be only “to the square.”
The question: morally, is that the right step? After all, this is an elderly disabled man whom I have a moral obligation to help! Or is the time being wasted a valid consideration that can tip the scales in my favor (so that there is no moral problem here)? And does the fact that he lied, and the anger about that, affect anything here?
I’m sharing this with you, and I would like to hear your opinion on the matter (and if you could elaborate and explain your reasoning, I would appreciate it very much).
Many thanks
Answer
Hello.
It is likely that the reason he lied was that he was afraid you would refuse, and apparently this is important to him. The man cannot walk, and even a walk can be a significant need. Therefore, the fact that he lied should not be a consideration. True, once you already have experience with him, you can set a time limit and tell him that you are willing until such-and-such a time.
In general, this kind of act of kindness is a time-sensitive commandment, which overrides Torah study (presumably this cannot be done by someone else). So there is no issue from the standpoint of neglecting Torah study. But of course there is a limit, both in terms of your own strength and in terms of common sense, as to how much you should devote to such acts of kindness (otherwise you could spend the whole day going around with people like this and not study at all).
It would be very nice—though of course not obligatory—to offer him an initiated outing once every two weeks or something like that, for a fixed amount of time as you see fit (that way you can set a time limit and schedule it for a time convenient for you). Beyond the help itself, this would also spare him the need to lie and to beg people for help. And if it were possible to arrange a wheelchair for him that would spare the need to carry him, that would be best, because it would also allow him to manage on his own, at least partially.
It would be worth checking with social services whether they know about him and whether there is someone taking care of him (family or the welfare services themselves).
May you merit many commandments.