Q&A: Choice or Sacrifice or Coercion (a worldview question, not a factual one)
Choice or Sacrifice or Coercion (a worldview question, not a factual one)
Question
I hope my question is understandable.
A husband asks his wife to undergo cosmetic surgery, which he feels is necessary in order to continue living with her.
Let’s say there is some chance that the surgery carries significant risks that could cause harm (for example, it might not succeed, or it might endanger her, etc.).
Now he says to her: this is my condition for continuing the marriage. If not, you are perfectly free to look for another husband. I’m not forcing you to do it, and I’m not demanding that you do it for me. This is what I want; if you want to share my life, do it, and if not, get divorced.
The wife says to him: I’m doing this purely for you, and I want you to know that I’m sacrificing myself for you.
The question is: can this be called a sacrifice, or do we say that she has a choice, since she has her own interest in not being alone?
If, Heaven forbid, something gets complicated, should the husband see himself as guilty for having led her to take a step that could endanger her?
(After I heard your lecture about free choice)
Can we say that this woman has a choice, or is it like an election in which there is only one ballot?
Answer
The question sounds bizarre to me, pardon me. Of course the woman has a choice; it’s just that she has considerations and interests pulling in different directions. In everything we do there are self-interested motives as well as others (see Column 120), and that does not mean that we have no choice about it.
As for whether this counts as a sacrifice or not—that is a question in psychology. If it was difficult for her and she still did it despite her own interest, then there is sacrifice here. On the question of blame—the husband bears some contributory blame, but this is what he felt, and he wanted to improve their married life. Therefore, the blame is not complete.