Q&A: Marriage to a Non-Religious Woman
Marriage to a Non-Religious Woman
Question
Hello Rabbi,
Is, in the Rabbi’s view, a marriage between a religious “frum” man and a woman who believes but is not “religious” (that is, she believes but does not keep the Sabbath and other things) in the full sense, something permitted according to Jewish law?
And from a logical/practical standpoint, is such a thing even possible—meaning, can a household be run that way? Are the implications of that something that, in your view, one can manage, or is it too much?
Answer
I don’t understand the question. What prohibition is there here? Even if she isn’t religious, there is no prohibition. Of course, in practice he is likely to face some serious difficulties.
I think that in practice it is very hard to run a home that educates toward fear of Heaven in that way.
Discussion on Answer
First, not if this is his considered conclusion and not the evil inclination’s advice. Second, he is not considered like a gentile with respect to marriage (there were opinions among the medieval authorities that viewed an apostate as literally like a gentile, but that was rejected in halakhic ruling). I have never heard of a prohibition on marrying a Sabbath desecrator because of the laws of marriage relations (as with a gentile).
According to that, how could a rabbi marry off a secular man and a secular woman? He would be performing kiddushin for gentiles. Blessings in vain, and all that follows from it.
Let’s start with this: a woman who isn’t religious but does believe—on the one hand she does believe there is a God, but on the other hand she doesn’t observe many things. And more generally, this is more from the standpoint of the spirit of Jewish law than of dry black-letter law.
What are the main difficulties in such a course of action, and would the Rabbi recommend going ahead with it in rare cases of a special connection and the like?
The fact that she believes does not matter very much. The main thing is observance of the commandments. As I wrote, it will be hard to run a home and educate children this way. Even if she agrees that the children will be educated in a religious direction, she is not a figure who can really do that.
Also, the feelings present at the beginning of a romance do not always last, and certainly not every day. In hard times of tension, problems can also surface on a religious background. That may amplify other problems.
I can’t recommend it, but as I said, it also isn’t really forbidden. It’s a decision a person has to make for himself.
Isn’t a Sabbath desecrator / secular Jew considered like a gentile for this purpose? According to Jewish law, such a person is treated as an apostate and as a non-Jew for many matters.