Q&A: Halakhic Forgiveness
Halakhic Forgiveness
Question
Is there a way to forgive a person and still be angry at him?
Suppose my son hurt me and did not ask me for forgiveness. I don’t want him to remain liable before Heaven because of the incident, but I still have something in my heart against him. Is there a process by which my son would not bear a sin and I would still continue to be angry at him?
Answer
Very doubtful. I think your grievance against him depends on whether you are angry, not on what you decided about him. Decisions about his fate belong to the Holy One, blessed be He, not to you. You are only the enabling circumstance.
Discussion on Answer
What about the opposite case? Someone publicly shamed me, but I attach no importance to it—was a transgression committed here? Is some kind of forgiveness or apology still required?
Benjamin—I gave the case of a child as an example; it could be any person dear to your heart. In any case, let’s assume we’re talking about a 30-year-old son…
I don’t know. By simple reasoning it seems there is no prohibition in that (he intended to eat pork, but mutton came into his hand).
Haim, how can one even be angry at one’s children?