Q&A: A Secular Person’s Utensils
A Secular Person’s Utensils
Question
Hello Rabbi,
I’m a formerly religious person who is still in the closet. I have some Torah education. My brother is religious and visits me sometimes. I sometimes fry a steak in butter and eat on a ceramic plate. For reasons that aren’t clear to me, I want to be careful not to cause my brother to stumble into a prohibition according to his view, which I think is mistaken. So, for example, can I serve him an omelet on that plate after it has sat in the cupboard for two days, or would he be violating some prohibition here? Thank you very much.
Answer
Why “for reasons that aren’t clear”? Are you completely certain of your own view? Even if you’ve formed a position, it isn’t fair not to respect the possibility that your brother is right, at least in terms of how you relate to him.
You can serve him food on such a plate after 24 hours have passed.
Discussion on Answer
If you’re completely convinced (theoretically; in practice I don’t see how such a situation is possible), then it’s hard to justify such a prohibition.
If his level of conviction leads him to risk causing himself to stumble, then all the more so he’d risk causing his fellow to stumble. True, there is some strong “aesthetic value” here, but I don’t see more than that. Harm to autonomy is relevant only when the other person knows the decision was taken away from him, or there’s a concern that he may find out.
Isn’t the Rabbi one of the greatest advocates of relying on intuition regarding morality?
Thanks for the compliment. I don’t know whether I’m the greatest among them (though in all likelihood I am :)). What does morality have to do with this? I said it’s hard to find a moral justification for such an obligation.
At some point your brother will realize that you’re secular and worry that maybe you fed him non-kosher food. Better to come with a clear conscience and tell him: I made sure not to feed you non-kosher food. Just for the sake of peace.
If you want not to deceive your brother, buy a frying pan, plate, and eating utensils reserved only for kosher food intended for him.
Any other course of action, resulting from the fact that he trusts you while you’re fooling him, is deception and wrong.
If he really is convinced, why shouldn’t he cause him to sin?
But perhaps we should discuss it from the standpoint of the immorality involved in causing a person to do something he doesn’t want to do, for whatever reason.