Q&A: Halakhic Yielding
Halakhic Yielding
Question
In the Jerusalem Talmud, Yevamot (ch. 1, 3), they discuss the fact that the people of the House of Hillel did not refrain from marrying women from the House of Shammai (and vice versa). There, one of the amoraim (Rav Hila in the name of Rabbi Yohanan) says that everyone accepted the rulings of the House of Hillel (say, because they are stringent in the Mishnah there; in short, that part doesn’t matter), and therefore they could marry one another. That would mean that wherever there is a deep dispute, one of the sides has to give up its position on the practical level in order to make shared life possible, of course. But on its own terms, how can such yielding be grounded within a halakhic discussion? If I think the other person is mistaken, how can I yield?? That works fine for pluralism—it’s understandable that one can yield, because in the end the other person’s approach also has some truth to it—but for monism, especially a clear one like yours, the difficulty is greater.
Answer
It should say: ch. 1, halakhah 6.
No one needs to give up his position. But there is no need to refrain from marrying. The couple will decide which customs they choose to follow (and it is more likely that the husband’s customs will determine things, unless the woman is enough of a somebody to set the position).
By the way, Rav Hila said that everyone acted lawfully, not that they conceded to one another.
Discussion on Answer
1. Usually yes. Rabbi Shimon is worthy to be relied upon in a pressing situation. But every situation has to be judged on its own. Usually there is no need, or it is not justified, to give in.
2. I oppose holy lies. If Judaism doesn’t appeal to him, let him look for another religion. And if he wants to cut corners, let him do that on his own. You don’t need to give him false backing for it.
1) Is it “permitted” to give up my halakhic position in order to enable shared life in society or at home with another person who has a different position from mine?
2) When clarifying / issuing a halakhic ruling, should one take into account only halakhic considerations, or also social, emotional, sociological, etc. ones? For example, as I understood a certain passage, it comes out that the person asking me is forbidden to do X, but I know that if I tell him it is forbidden it will cause him great distress and distance him from Judaism or things like that—can one tell him it is permitted on the basis of such extra-halakhic considerations?