Q&A: Who Will Be Mine for a Day
Who Will Be Mine for a Day
Question
Yoma 18b:
Rav, when he happened to come to Darshish, would announce: “Who will be mine for a day?” Rav Nachman, when he happened to come to Shekhantziv, would announce: “Who will be mine for a day?” But wasn’t it taught: Rabbi Eliezer ben Yaakov says: A man should not marry a woman in this province and then go and marry a woman in another province, lest these families later intermingle with one another and it turn out that a brother marries his sister (and a father marries his daughter), and the whole world becomes filled with mamzerut. And about this it is said: “And the land be filled with lewdness” (Leviticus 19:29). The rabbis said: rabbis have publicity. But didn’t Rava say: If a woman was propositioned for marriage and agreed, she must sit seven clean days? The rabbis would inform them in advance. They would send a messenger ahead of time. And if you wish, say instead: they would merely be secluded with them, because one who has bread in his basket is not comparable to one who has no bread in his basket.
A. Is there not something flawed in this kind of behavior, which is really close to prostitution?
B. Is it possible to behave this way nowadays as well?
Answer
It really is very problematic. It is prostitution with permission. I assume this depends on the accepted norms in society, and nowadays it is certainly not appropriate.
Discussion on Answer
Rabbi Margaliot’s comments are here: https://daf-yomi.com/Data/UploadedFiles/DY_Item/584-sFile.pdf
A summary of his remarks:
The matter is inherently puzzling. Especially since Rav was particularly careful about this issue. And why only in Darshish (and he brings sources that Rav visited other distant places as well) and Shekhantziv? And there are more difficulties.
He suggests an explanation in the name of his brother-in-law and expands on it. In Avot DeRabbi Natan it says that Rabbi Akiva came to some place and the authorities sent him two women for the night, and Rabbi Akiva sat between them, spat, and paid no attention to them. And there is a passage in the Talmud (according to Rashi) that in Persia they sent Rav Yehuda a woman at night. Rabbi M. Margaliot says that Darshish is in Persia and Shekhantziv is near Darshish (I did not check the source for this). He also brings that the king of Persia showed Rav great honor.
Based on this, he explains that these rabbis (Rav and Rav Nachman) were honored among the Persians, and therefore when they happened to come to a Persian city, they would send them women at night according to their custom. To prevent this, they publicly married someone for one day. [The Persians honored Rav. And Rav Nachman was the son-in-law of the Exilarch].
[One can add further: there the Talmudic passage is dealing with foods that may cause a seminal emission, and it cites Rav’s statement that a guest should not sleep in the homeowner’s cloak (Rashi: lest semen be found on it). And in that context it brings Rav in Darshish and Rav Nachman in Shekhantziv, who announced “Who will be mine for a day?” That is, from the context it is clear that these announcements are connected to preventing a seminal emission. And that is certainly so according to the second answer there, that they did not actually have relations with them and only wanted “bread in his basket.” But according to the first answer, “rabbis have publicity,” it sounds like they did actually have relations with them (though this is not necessary, and one could say they never did; rather, it had to be permitted for them to do so, because otherwise what did the arrangement accomplish? And the second answer says that in fact it is forbidden to have relations, but nevertheless, since this is only a relatively light prohibition—lest it turn out that a brother marries his sister—it still counts as “bread in his basket”).].
I recommend looking at Rabbi Margaliot’s explanation on the matter.