I know for certain that she was in a relationship and that she did not observe physical boundaries.
And I know for certain that anyone who hears about it will run away.
Even from a hint.

What can you do? That’s life. If certain people don’t want a girl like that, then she needs to find someone else.

With God’s help, Wednesday during the Ten Days of Repentance 5783

To A. — hello,

Now that we’ve come to this: out of your zeal for truth, you’re prepared to ruin the life of a Jewish girl and publicize what she stumbled in in the past, if at all — so why not also be zealous for the truth and publicize in your neighborhood that you’re one of the surfers of this very site and ask matters of Jewish law and worldview from ‘Rabbi Doctor …’ 🙂 In other words: what is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow…

Best regards, S. Z. Levinger

And in general, did you see with your own eyes that they did not observe physical boundaries, or did you only hear about it? And maybe she repented?

Still, one could say that for a girl who has had crises and falls, a “ba’al teshuva” might be more suitable. There’s no shame in that, since “in the place where penitents stand…,” and perhaps it would be worthwhile to suggest to the girl herself to look in that direction.

And in our case, maybe there is no need at all to go into details about her past failings, if there were any, since it seems that in this case there are serious differences in personality. There is no disgrace in the difference between a “complex” character and a “simple” one, but such differences can lead to far-from-simple problems in married life.

Best regards, S. Z. L.

I saw a question on the “Akshiva” site on a similar topic: whether a girl who failed in the past needs to tell about past lapses in observing physical boundaries during dating meetings, when she has already repented of it. See there.

And see also Rabbi Benayahu Bruner’s responsum, “Revealing the Sins of the Past,” on the “Kipa” website, where he wrote that someone who failed in observing physical boundaries in the past and repented does not need to reveal it to others, since it is a sin between a person and God, regarding which it is said: “Happy is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.”

To Mr. S. Z. Levinger.
A. I know with certainty that this girl was in a relationship because she told my wife! And I know with certainty that she is a complicated and unstable person, because she is my wife’s friend.

B. I am not embarrassed that I browse this site; on the contrary, I am very proud of it and tell all my acquaintances. The fact that the Rabbi is also a doctor and understands every subject makes him more important than all the mainstream rabbis.
I always identify myself by my name, but this time I refrained in order not to endanger the girl’s identity. Which is more than can be said for you, since you are always hiding behind scribbled-up names.

C. I do not want to ruin a Jewish girl, and my heart aches for her very much, but as Rabbi Michael wrote, “that’s life,” and a girl who did such things needs to bear the consequences. Just as you have compassion for her, you also ought to take into account the poor guy who is getting himself into a relationship with an unstable girl who is in love with another man.

D. Interesting why you never identify yourself. Another interesting thing is what or who scarred you in life that you find no peace of mind and cling to Rabbi Michael like a tick. Let go, man, and also start choosing your words better. Sometimes you’re funny and on point, but sometimes you’re ridiculous and foolish too.

With God’s help, 5 Tishrei 5783

To A. — hello,

On the face of it, there is nothing wrong with the fact that she was in a relationship with a boy with the intention of marrying him and in the end they separated. If they broke up, how do you know she is still in love with him? Does one need to spell out, when meeting, all the “initial assumptions” that arose along the way? What is significant is the differences in character, and for that it is worthwhile to find someone who knows both of them and can take a position מתוך broad knowledge and deep understanding.

With blessings for a good final sealing, S. Z. L.

It may be that in Haredi society it is not accepted for a girl to go on dates without her parents’ consent, but that too could be seen favorably, as independent thinking…