Q&A: Mixed Places
Mixed Places
Question
Hi Rabbi Michi,
Over the past year I’ve become much stronger religiously. I grew up, and still live, in a very secular environment with no connection to religion at all. Naturally, the norms and standards of modesty are different from those in a religious society.
My question is: can I go to a mixed beach, a country club, a water park, and the like with friends or with family?
The last thing that interests me when I go to places like that is looking at women in order to come to improper thoughts, and obviously, because of the society I live in, the standards of modesty and women’s dress are different. To be honest, for me it’s something normal to see a woman in a swimsuit at the beach; it doesn’t lead me to such thoughts or others. That’s the accepted norm in the environment I live in.
Answer
I think it is proper not to go, although I’m not sure I can say that there is a clear halakhic prohibition here.
Discussion on Answer
You have to make that decision yourself. I wrote what I think, and now you should decide based on how important it is to you versus the risk.
I understand that it’s complex and a bit complicated. But all my friends and family are completely secular (though they are truly amazing people regardless), and I don’t think it makes sense for me not to come with them anymore to the country club or the beach and to cut myself off from my social circle like that—especially since these are unquestionably the accepted norms in my society, and I know it doesn’t bring me to improper thoughts if I see someone in a swimsuit. (And it would also depress me and affect me very badly if I were to isolate myself like that in such a way.)