Answer

Hello Michaela.
Each person has his or her own way. My own way of dealing with feelings like these is to look at them rationally. Not to let emotion cover your entire screen. In the end, the ones who were harmed were three people. The percentage of casualties out of the general public in the country is negligible. So statistically, the argument that there’s no point because in the end all of you will die prematurely is absurd and has no basis at all. These few cases are standing before your eyes right now and causing you pain, but that is a misleading emotion. Daniel Kahneman already pointed to a whole list of representativeness biases, meaning that a person is impressed by what appears before his eyes and assumes that this is a representative sample and the overall picture, when it is not.
Most likely your life will proceed peacefully and pleasantly, aside from somewhat harder moments, more or less, like all of us. There’s no need to panic. And even if the small chance happens and it ends prematurely, why not gain a few good years until that happens? After all, in the end we all go the way of all the earth. So what is the essential difference between five years and seventy years? From the perspective of eternity, both are a blip. The conclusion is that it is right to live in the moment (the South American mañana, but in a good and productive sense, not a nihilistic one).
It is told that when Rabbi Yitzhak of Vorki passed away, one of his students came to the court of the Kotzk Hasidic group (Rabbi Yitzhak had originally been a fellow-disciple of the Kotzker), and they asked him: what was the most important thing about your rabbi? It is customary to attribute to each rabbi a particular point that he emphasized in his service of God. That student answered: whatever he was doing at that moment. To my mind, that is a wonderful answer. The essence of the Jewish mañana. Do what is right for that moment, and don’t think too much about long ranges. It emasculates and paralyzes, and it is also unnecessary. Focus on what you are doing at that moment, and try to do it as well as possible and also enjoy it. What will happen afterward is not always in our hands anyway.
As for marriage, don’t get worked up over the pressure. Do it when it suits you and when you find a suitable partner. And let everyone else go dance the hora. Wishing you success, and mazal tov in advance 🙂
Don’t despair. All in all, the world is nice and good. You shouldn’t let hard moments cover our whole screen.
If there’s anything else, don’t hesitate to reach out. You can do it here, or by email, or on WhatsApp.