Q&A: Personal Conscience
Personal Conscience
Question
Hello Rabbi,
I am a Haredi kollel student, about 30 years old, and ever since Simchat Torah my conscience has not left me alone.
I mean my conscience regarding not serving in the IDF.
What does the Rabbi think? Should I leave my current life, do Stage B? Maybe join army programming tracks?
I should note that I do see blessing in my studies, but my conscience gives me no rest. I am very confused….
On the other hand, what can a person my age contribute?
Answer
Indeed, it is fitting that the conscience of every reasonable person should torment him over the terrible injustice and the terrible desecration of God’s name caused by Haredi society in the matter of enlistment and in its conduct generally. In practice, every God-fearing person ought to leave that society immediately, in the sense of “Separate yourselves from this evil congregation.” Therefore, it is בהחלט fitting to serve. As for where you can be useful, that should be clarified with the army (which unfortunately does not always conduct itself efficiently).
Discussion on Answer
I was never really Haredi. But my biography is not the issue here.
Is it clear that I am obligated to pay this hard social / educational price?
No. You asked whether there is an obligation, and I answered yes. Only you know what the costs are from your perspective, and decisions always have to be made in light of the full set of considerations.
It is reasonable to assume that the price you will pay socially, spiritually, and educationally (the implications for your children growing up in Haredi society) will be far greater than the negligible benefit society will derive from your service.
By the way, Rabbi Michi’s advice that a God-fearing person should leave Haredi society contains an inherent paradox, since most likely once he leaves that society he will no longer be God-fearing (not because it is impossible to be a Religious Zionist and God-fearing, but because someone who leaves Haredi life to become Religious Zionist will probably lose his fear of Heaven).
Weren’t you yourself Haredi? When did this change happen in you, from one extreme to the other?