Q&A: Love and Hate
Love and Hate
Question
Hello Rabbi,
Suppose a person’s son commits wicked acts. Is it proper for the father to hate his son because of that? Or should he hate only the son’s actions, and not the son himself? On the one hand, I think it is fitting for a father to love his son simply because he is his son, regardless of his actions. On the other hand, it is fitting to hate the wicked. And perhaps one could say that it is possible to hate and love at the same time, and there is not necessarily any contradiction between those two feelings?
A practical implication would be regarding a family in which one of the children consciously rebelled against his Creator, or committed a vile act such as murder or rape. Should the family cut off contact with him, or should they draw him close in order to bring him back to the right path?
Best regards,
Answer
I wrote about this in my article on emotions.
In my opinion, the interpretation of the words of the Sages (“Let sins cease, and not sinners”) as though the hatred is directed at wickedness and not at the wicked person is baseless. Hatred is always toward a person, not a trait. I hate the wicked person because of his wickedness. On the other hand, because there is a reason for the hatred, a situation of love-hate toward the same person is possible: I love him because he is my son, and I hate him because he is wicked. Beyond that, I am also obligated to him, both because he is my son and because, like every member of the Jewish people, I must rebuke him.
See here: