Question

I would appreciate your position regarding a certain situation which in the past I would have ruled out without hesitation, but today I am torn about, due to a more balanced perspective according to which perhaps some room should be given to an extra-halakhic consideration. I would be glad to know how you would recommend acting in it (or at least what considerations you would use to decide).
 
I am a section head in the army.
 
Serving under my command right now is a team leader who is not Jewish according to Jewish law (in his understanding he is “half-Jewish” because his father is Jewish), and he is now engaged to a female soldier from the unit who is, at least presumptively, Jewish.
 
What is the proper thing regarding attending his wedding?
 
On the one hand, it is clear that I am not happy about the situation being created, and on the objective halakhic and Torah level it is not exactly a cause for celebration.
 
On the other hand, if I neutralize that dimension, then:
A. This is someone with whom I have a commander-subordinate relationship, and a certain degree of mutual respect.
 
B. The human situation he is in is not of his choosing. Neither his identity nor specifically his serving under me. His choice amounted to enlisting and serving.
 
So if the halakhic aspect is set aside, there is no social, outward, or objective justification for my absence from “his wedding.” Not only would it be unusual by any standard, but it would leave no room for doubt that the halakhic consideration pushed aside and overrode the natural and expected consideration that follows simply from looking at the commander-subordinate relationship.
 
If the answer to the question somehow depends on my personal location and assumptions, then it is hard for me to place them on a scale, so I would be happy at least to hear the considerations for deciding. But I’ll give a case for illustration:
 
Throughout my years of service I was careful about avoiding physical contact, even formal handshakes with women in various military situations. At the same time, over the years, and with the ability to make an informed and rational distinction depending on the situation, I stopped refraining from personally pinning on a rank insignia rather than having it done through a female soldier-messenger (since it is only contact with a piece of pulled fabric, for inserting a pin).
Likewise, recently I chose to shake an outstretched hand of women as well (alongside the men) in parting at a work meeting abroad, where it was clear to me that there was no awareness of the issue of avoiding physical contact, and that refusal would be interpreted as rudeness and the like. Therefore I saw fit to base the decision to shake hands on the strict letter of the law (which, to the best of my understanding, according to some opinions is not prohibited in such a case. At least that was the understanding underlying my decision at that moment).
 
Thank you,