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Q&A: Form of Address for a Genderqueer Person

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This is an English translation (via GPT-5.4). Read the original Hebrew version.

Form of Address for a Genderqueer Person

Question

Hello Rabbi Michael,
I am studying for a bachelor’s degree at a university. There is a male student studying with me, who also appears to be a man and not a woman, named Daniel, who identifies as genderqueer and wants people to address him alternately as "you" in the feminine form and "you" in the masculine form. For example, while speaking, to use both feminine and masculine forms in the same sentence, or in the third person to say both "she" and "he."
The secular students are very respectful of his request; the religious students try to avoid it and also laugh about it among themselves. I don’t know what to do. A. It is awkward for me to speak like that (for the secular students too—but they make an effort; I feel that if I speak that way then everyone listens to what I’m saying and checks me because I’m religious). B. I feel that he is forcing on me how to speak and to accept his values, and is trying by force to normalize this phenomenon.
There is one religious student who told him that he addresses him only in the masculine form, so Daniel told him that if that’s the case, then he shouldn’t address him at all.
I also don’t know what would count here as desecration of God’s name and what would count as sanctification of God’s name.
I would be glad for your guidance on what is right to do.
Thank you, Amiel.
 

Answer

I see no reason whatsoever to give in to such caprices. If he doesn’t want, then don’t address him.

Discussion on Answer

Y. (2025-03-03)

And what hurts you, as religious people, about respecting him/her? Even if the pronoun he/she wants is wrong in your view, does this conflict with any Jewish law? (Spoiler: no.)
If you wanted to make a sanctification of God’s name, you could, for example, offer to address him/her in the plural form as a compromise (as is customary in English). True, it requires a bit of attention on your part and is inconvenient. But why insist on coming off as the “ugly religious person,” disconnected and refusing to take another person’s feelings into account? (Whether the request is justified or not isn’t even the issue. The issue is that using an appropriate pronoun is perceived as part of human dignity.)

Michi (2025-03-03)

Let him respect me and stop scrambling my brain.

השאר תגובה

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