Question

Hello Rabbi,
I’ve been a baal teshuva for several years now, and there are a number of areas where it’s still hard for me to integrate into the religious world. The most prominent of them is the fixed prayer service.
So many words that you’re “supposed” to say, day after day—it’s very hard not to turn into just another religious person mumbling.
And in fact, around me I mostly see men mumbling, bored, sometimes busy with a newspaper or their phone, trying to finish as fast as possible, and yet they still come to the synagogue day after day, sometimes even three times a day.
Moreover, there’s the content. The content of the prayers is so far from that of a modern person who grew up in the secular world.
I would say the wording of the prayers composed by the Sages is almost childish, leaving the Infinite somewhere out there, outside me. All the addresses in prayer are directed to Him, outward, as if there is some entity somewhere out there that I hope is listening.
And in the morning service, for example, there are almost 100 pages of praises, sacrifices, hymns. It’s very hard to connect. I don’t understand the idea that there is some God out there who delights with satisfaction when He hears people automatically praising Him with the same monotonous, intentionless words day after day.
I don’t understand the thinking behind the sentence, “May it be Your will that because I recited all these long sentences, You should consider it as though I offered a sacrifice before You.” Who needs to consider anything for me? Who’s counting points for me? And even if someone is counting points for me, why should reading something count like the act itself? It makes absolutely no sense. It’s like reading my wife a description of a restaurant thinking she’ll “consider” it as though we went out.
This exaggerated emphasis on the importance of words gives the feeling that nothing is left of Judaism except mumbling. Mumble loudly, out loud, stress every letter, on Rosh Chodesh say this word and on Yom Kippur say that word. Pay attention, and here say it slowly. It turns us into prisoners inside a service of God that is all words, words… an inflation of words, like the rest of this world. And where is the intention? The heart? The spirit? Where is the real and sincere connection? I identify a lot of falsehood in the world of structured prayer among religious people, a lot of insincerity, lack of connection, and certainly nothing close to service of God. I would say there’s nothing there at all. But before I say that, I’d be glad to hear your view about the world of prayer. How do you see these times during the day, and how can one approach them from a place that is meaningful and connecting?
Thank you very much