Q&A: An Earring in the Ear
An Earring in the Ear
Question
Hello Rabbi,
Recently I came across an old article of yours about the difference between modesty and pride.
I wanted to sharpen the point for myself, and while at it hear your opinion.
I wear an earring in my ear. Partly because it looks nice and partly because it’s nonconformist.
In my eyes, it’s a kind of mental release that says I chose something in life and not everything is prewritten.
Unfortunately, regarding my religion I’m not so sure that’s true, and so the matter is painful…
Is there an element of pride in this?
Thank you,
Eitan
Answer
The article dealt with the difference between modesty and humility (not pride).
I didn’t understand where you see pride here.
I don’t think your discussion here revolves around pride, but around independence/autonomy. And that is really not the same plane of discussion.
I’m not sure that the decision to wear an earring itself is truly an independent decision. Autonomy does not necessarily express itself in behavior that is unusual relative to one’s surroundings, but in behavior that is right, whether it is unusual or not. To act in an unusual way just to express autonomy is itself letting your surroundings determine your course of action (as the Kotzker said about the person who runs away from honor but keeps looking back all the time).
As for the question of religion as well (commitment to the commandments?), the discussion is not about pride but about autonomy. And here too I would tell you that it is more important to examine whether you truly believe in it, and not whether your behavior does or does not fit your surroundings. If you believe in it, then go with it even if it fits your surroundings, and if not, then don’t, even if it doesn’t fit.