Q&A: The Parameters of Honoring One’s Grandmother
The Parameters of Honoring One’s Grandmother
Question
Hello Rabbi,
I wanted to ask about honoring one’s grandmother—whether there is an obligation. In addition, if my grandmother asked me to drive her from Holon to Jerusalem for an outing, is there an obligation to drive her? On the face of it, it seems to me like I’d just be saving her the cost of a taxi, so there is no obligation.
Also, is it permissible to mention that you have many things to do in order to cause your grandmother to give it up out of discomfort, or is that forbidden?
Answer
There is an obligation to honor grandfathers and grandmothers, as is learned from the midrash cited by Rashi on the portion of Vayigash: “And he offered sacrifices to the God of his father Isaac” — from here we learn that one is more obligated in honoring his father than in honoring his father’s father. This is brought as Jewish law by the Rema in Yoreh De’ah (if I remember correctly, in the name of Maharik, though some disagree). That is, of course, beyond the moral obligation, which certainly exists as well.
Some understand the obligation to honor them as part of honoring one’s parents, and not as an independent obligation (you honor your parents by helping them honor their parents, and also by giving them satisfaction in this way).
However, it is clear that the extent depends on how much it helps her, how much it inconveniences you, and to what extent this is a whim. It should also be noted that, in principle, even regarding parents, the ruling is that one honors them from their resources and not from one’s own (that is, one is not obligated to spend money in order to honor them).
It is clearly permissible for you to tell the truth if you are busy, and she will make her own decisions.
In general, this is more a question of common sense than of Jewish law.
There is an article of mine on the site that touches on these questions.