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Q&A: Choosing Jewelry for a Fiancée Together with the Groom

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This is an English translation (via GPT-5.4). Read the original Hebrew version.

Choosing Jewelry for a Fiancée Together with the Groom

Question

Hello and blessings,
Is it permitted for me to go with my fiancée to choose jewelry for her? (Presumably I would need to look at the jewelry while she is wearing it.)

Answer

I don’t understand. Why not?

Discussion on Answer

hvusv (2019-12-31)

“And it is forbidden to joke with her, to act frivolously in front of her, or to look at her beauty. And it is forbidden even to smell the perfumes on her. And it is forbidden to look at women who are standing over the wash. And it is forbidden to look at the colored garments of a woman he knows, even when they are not on her, lest he come to think about her [lustfully].” (Shulchan Arukh, Even HaEzer 21). Isn’t this considered looking at her beauty, or at least looking at the colored garments she is wearing?

Michi (2020-01-01)

When מדובר in your fiancée, I don’t see any basis to forbid it. A person needs to look at her and at her beauty in order to decide whether he is interested in her. This is the beginning of building the relationship, and in my opinion it should not be forbidden. Of course, if you think there is a concern that it could lead to a transgression, then you should be careful. But regarding the basic prohibition itself, in my opinion there is no need for concern.

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