Q&A: Honesty
Honesty
Question
I have a question about something that comes up in everyday life.
Let me take the latest example that happened to me.
Two fellow students suggested we do a project together. They’re both my friends, and I chose one of them because I can rely more on his sense of responsibility and stability.
The other one keeps insisting on asking me why I didn’t choose him — why that one specifically.
You can’t really smooth-talk your way out of it. Saying “I don’t want to say” would be awkward. I had to give him some answer. So I sold him a line: that logistically the other guy has a car and agreed to drive to me, so it would be easier for us to meet. That isn’t the real reason, and in fact I’m hardly planning for us to meet in person at all.
In my opinion, this is a white lie and it’s fine. Nobody gets hurt, everybody comes out happy and satisfied, friendships don’t get shaken up, and everything goes smoothly. Explaining the truth is insulting. Dodging it and being vague is noticeable to the other person, and he’ll realize something fishy is going on underneath. So the options are either to lie directly without blinking, or to tell the truth and deal with the consequences — which admittedly aren’t terrible, but it’s no chocolate dessert.
Is it really permitted in Jewish law to tell little white lies like these?
Answer
It is permitted to lie for the sake of peace. But in the case you described, it may actually be preferable to gently tell the truth, since he himself could benefit from it and draw conclusions.