Q&A: Public Selichot
Public Selichot
Question
I’ve noticed that it’s hard for me to do selichot with certain groups of people (I’m not aiming at any particular connotation, heaven forbid. I’ll just present the pattern, which I assume could show up in any community). This is something that wasn’t the case in the past and has become more present over the last year. Sometimes it’s hard for me to deal with emotional fervor. It’s hard for me with exaggerated displays of emotion, which sometimes happen during selichot. Sometimes it feels to me "not real" — I’ll explain why in a moment.
I’m in my twenties, and recently I understood on a somewhat deeper level that emotions really do change. I’m a sensitive and empathetic person, but I don’t express that outwardly. I’m aware that not everyone thinks the same way, but sometimes it’s hard for me to contain the high emotional intensity that others display, especially when I wonder what would happen if their emotions were not like that.
I’m writing this because I feel guilty, also because I myself used to express my emotions in an exaggerated way in the past. You’re not a psychologist, but still I think maybe you’ll know how to satisfy me with your answer.
Is this accepted in our religion?
Are there great figures in our religion who were also like this? (I’m not, heaven forbid, trying to compare myself to those great figures; it’s just a bit hard for me to be unusual, at least in this respect.)
Thanks in any case
Answer
I didn’t understand what the question is. All I saw here were descriptions of your feelings.
As for your question whether this is accepted in "our religion," if you mean it as a descriptive question, then obviously yes. There are Jews who express emotions. If you mean to ask whether it is desirable or proper, I don’t know. I tend to think that emotions have no importance except insofar as they express something cognitive. But of course there is nothing wrong with it either. Those who have it, have it, and those who don’t, don’t.
As for whether there were great figures like this, I assume so (though of course that depends on who counts as great in your eyes). Rabbi Akiva is described in the Talmud as ending the Amidah in a different corner of the synagogue than where he started (out of great fervor he didn’t notice it).
Discussion on Answer
First of all, why "heaven forbid"? There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a cold person.
I already answered these questions. Obviously there is no value in hypocrisy. But in my view, even genuine emotional expression has no value unless it reflects a cognitive state. And there is no point or value in judging others. You don’t know what is in their hearts, and there is no reason to resort to that.
Actually, what I meant was that nowadays I tend in the opposite direction.
That is, I express less emotion in prayer, and instead do more of what is required as a matter of strict law.
I described my feelings here because I feel less embarrassed to describe them here.
I’ll try to be clearer.
What I meant was that sometimes I feel a kind of aversion toward people who express their emotions in selichot (and in prayers in general?) in an exaggerated way. (Like shouting, hand motions, etc.)
It just doesn’t always seem "real" to me.
The issue is that nobody appointed me to judge. And that’s why I feel guilty. And rightly so, of course — I don’t know what people who express themselves that way are really going through.
The sharper question is whether there is an approach in Judaism that follows strict law. What I mean by that is: what we were commanded to do — we do in a way that is "real," even if it is too cool or detached.
If I feel a need to express pain, I’ll express it from a genuine place and won’t force myself to express it, because that seems hypocritical to me.
And again, I don’t want it to come across, heaven forbid, as though I’m a cold person. I’m a very sensitive person who just doesn’t always express his emotions.