Q&A: Immersing While Holding a Creeping Thing
Immersing While Holding a Creeping Thing
Question
Blessings and peace to the honored Rabbi, may he live long. I would be glad to share my feelings with the Rabbi.
I am considered an “outstanding” student, one of the select few, so to speak. I study in the kibbutz program even though I am at the age for first seder, and I have study partners with the yeshiva rabbis in all the study sessions. But I feel awful. All the time I have downfalls in diligence, gossip, guarding my eyes, wasting seed, stealing and robbery, and I feel like I am immersing while holding a creeping thing in my hand, while in this false world I have a good name. I have strange feelings, and now I waste most of the day and, as a result, do not get up for prayers. What should I do?
Forgive me for “dumping” this on the Rabbi, who does not even “know” me, but I would be glad for his advice.
Answer
Hello,
This is a question for a psychologist, not for me. I can only tell you that those feelings have no real substance. Everyone has setbacks, and that does not take away from the fact that you deserve appreciation for your good qualities. One does not invalidate the other.
These hard feelings are the evil inclination’s counsel, causing you to fall even more. It may be worthwhile for you to reflect on the trait of pride in yourself, since it is possible that your desire for appreciation, and the importance it has for you, is what causes you to fall when the appreciation you receive is not justified. Bottom line: the best thing is not to deal with these matters at all—not to chase honor, but also not to run away from it; just do what is incumbent upon you, and that’s it.
Much success,