Q&A: The Trait of Patience
The Trait of Patience
Question
Hello Rabbi,
In recent years I’ve been exposed to your writings and have learned quite a lot from them..
I’m still much less smart and talented than you, and much less philosophically skilled as well (maybe by the time I reach your age I’ll surpass you 🙂 ), and in arguments/discussions with friends I notice that I get really irritated very quickly by arguments that seem weak to me, or by the fact that people don’t understand what I’m saying and act condescending toward me (I’m usually representing the theistic position, or your “thin” religious position, or at least the parts of it that convinced me). And I notice that you’re turbo-patient with questions, and you still answer the same answers to the same questions here on the site for years with amazing patience most of the time. How do you do it? How do you not get annoyed, for example, in a discussion with Prof. Eilam Gross, when I was practically out of breath as if I’d run a marathon listening to what sounded to me like great arrogance on his part, and there are many more examples with other people. (And it’s even stranger because I myself held views like that not so many years ago, so who am I not to be patient with them?) What’s the secret????
Answer
If you’re as young as your words suggest, then maybe age will do its work in this matter too. From life experience I’ve learned that getting upset is not helpful, neither for yourself nor for the listeners. The response should be matter-of-fact. Cynicism and irony—certainly yes—but anger is unnecessary, and expressing it out loud even more so. At most, say that the discussion has been exhausted and stop it. I do that too from time to time.