Q&A: Desire on Dates
Desire on Dates
Question
Honorable Rabbi, hello,
A. Is it permissible while dating to develop desire before the wedding in order to warm up the atmosphere? (At the other extreme, it turns into a job interview or an academic philosophical conversation and negotiation arrangements.) Does this fall under the rule of “he should not betroth her until he sees her”? It seems to me, prima facie, that it does not, since the goal here is not to check something but to introduce some lightness. And this is a different question when other things are not working to create that lightness.
B. Is it permissible for a man to develop desire so that the woman will feel attraction, meaning, “a woman should not become betrothed to him until she sees him”? And when he develops desire, he himself is entertaining improper thoughts.
I would of course be happy for sources.
Thank you!
Answer
I do not understand why one should develop desire. Bringing some lightness into things or developing a deeper relationship is certainly appropriate (at least at a sufficiently advanced stage). But there is no reason at all to develop desire before getting married. In general, I very much doubt how far one should develop the relationship before the wedding. What is needed is to check that it is a good match, not to live together. The relationship between you should be developed after the wedding.