Q&A: Matchmaking
Matchmaking
Question
Hello Rabbi. I have a question that admittedly doesn’t really belong to the areas of interest of your site, and still I’d be very glad to know your opinion on the matter, as someone I appreciate very much and think is a very wise person.
I’m 22 and want to start dating, but I’m a little hesitant to date right now, because I look at myself and realize there is so much I need to improve about myself—financially, appearance-wise (staying in shape), and education-wise. And if I go out now, it may be that the relationship I enter into will be a kind of compromise and not the best I could achieve. If so, maybe it would be better for me to improve myself in the aspects that are important to me in life and only start dating later? In other words: is it worth dating for the purpose of marriage even when I’m not the best version of myself yet?
I’d really appreciate your thoughts. Thank you very much, Rabbi 🙏
Answer
Hello.
I don’t have a clear position on this. First of all, it depends on how pressured you feel (if you feel pressured, then in my opinion it’s דווקא better to postpone). If you accept yourself as you are right now, then there is no fundamental reason not to meet people. Usually, once there is already a date, the physical parameters play less of a role, in my opinion. But financial stability (and also education) is definitely a relevant consideration. Indeed, age 22 is usually a bit early for my taste, also in terms of maturity.
Thank you, Rabbi