Q&A: Future Sin
Future Sin
Question
I have been serving as the prayer leader on the High Holy Days for some time.
Unfortunately, there is a certain sin that I have fallen into, and worse than that—I am afraid I will fall into it again.
Already now, all the plans for committing the sin are in place, and I even advanced them today. a0
Am I fit to be the prayer leader, or even to pray at all? I feel that my process of repentance is false. I truly regret the sins I committed, and I really would like to stop, but in my mind it feels like I know for certain—and worse, in a certain sense I am even planning—to continue sinning.
Does this have any value? I am sure that in the atmosphere of Yom Kippur I will tell myself that I accept it for the future, and I will mean it at that moment. But on a meta-level of self-reflection, I feel like a complete liar. a0
Answer
Clearly it still has value. The main thing is the effort, not success. However, if you are planning in advance to continue and are making preparations, then it does not seem that you have truly regretted it and repented of it. Falling afterward is a different matter, and that does not detract from the value of the repentance.
If that is the situation, then it may indeed be advisable to refrain from serving as the prayer leader.