Q&A: The Prohibition of Touching
The Prohibition of Touching
Question
Recently someone made the following claim to me: The situation in which a couple is completely prevented from touching one another until the wedding does not accord with common sense and even runs contrary to it. Therefore, we should examine how to update this prohibition so that it better fits common sense, and until that happens one may be lax in applying it.
I wondered what the Rabbi thinks about this claim.
Answer
It is proper to update things so that they fit common sense and the rules of Jewish law. Someone who wants to update all of Jewish law to fit common sense can simply give up on Jewish law and act according to whatever seems right to him. And that is even aside from questions of authority, etc.
I’m also not sure that the prohibition runs contrary to common sense. If you relax the boundaries, the whole restraint will be cast off entirely. The next stage will be that sexual relations are “common sense.”
Therefore, at most one can accept the claim that this is indeed the Jewish law, but if a person cannot live up to it, Jewish law understands that there will be some who deviate from it. Sometimes a fence is put in place so that there will be a fence, even if in practice it is clear that some will cross it. That is preferable to casting off all restraint.
I didn’t understand why this is contrary to common sense. On the contrary, it fits common sense very well, and it suits the gradual development of a relationship. If it runs contrary to anything, it is to emotion and erupting sexual urges.