Q&A: Another Question About a Vow and Bringing a Gift to a Meal
Another Question About a Vow and Bringing a Gift to a Meal
Question
Hello Rabbi,
I saw that a question came up here on the subject of vows, and it got me thinking and wanting to clarify a few halakhic questions that have been on my mind recently.
This past Sabbath I was unsure about a case that happened: we were invited to friends for a meal, and my wife asked me to bring along a bottle of rosé wine that we have at home. I answered yes, but in the end I forgot to bring the wine and we arrived empty-handed.
My question is: does my mere agreement count as a binding vow, even though there was no formal intention for that?
In addition, I previously told my wife that as long as I do not fully understand the nature of the giving—whether it is a gift, a check, or some other item—the things said between us are just part of the flow of conversation, and not a real commitment. Does that have any halakhic implication with respect to vows?
Another question concerns a practice that entered our home because of someone who acted stringently: for years we would open a bottle of wine on the Sabbath and drink from it immediately. One Sabbath, someone was a guest in our home and said that opening a bottle of wine with a screw cap is like "making a vessel," and therefore one should replace it with a different cap after opening it. Following what he said, we changed our practice.
A few years ago I read in Peninei Halakha that most halakhic decisors are lenient about this matter, and since then I have gone back to the previous practice.
Does the fact that I listened to that guest and changed the practice, even though at the time I had not clarified the issue for myself, count as a full acceptance, with the status of a vow?
Answer
You are erasing the distinction between a promise and a vow. If you did not intend to make a vow, then it is not a vow.
I did not understand what you mean by saying that you do not understand the nature of the giving. Clearly, if you are exchanging ideas between yourselves, or even with yourself, that is not a vow. A vow is supposed to be a decision made with the intention of making a vow.
In a place where it became clear to you that you had been acting under a halakhic mistake, you do not need annulment.
Discussion on Answer
That is exactly a halakhic mistake, isn't it? You thought that was the Jewish law, but in fact it was just an extra stringency for its own sake.
In the case of the bottle, I had already told her that I would do it, and then I forgot.
But I make a condition with her that in any such matter, until things are finalized it is only in the realm of an idea, unless I say the words that it is a vow, so I think that because of that the Rabbi says it is not a vow.
As for the Jewish law issue, it is not a halakhic mistake; I simply met someone who is stringent, and that caused me to be stringent. And if I had known that it was possible otherwise, I would never have agreed to be stringent. Even in this case, is annulment of vows also not needed?