Q&A: Wedding
Wedding
Question
A person who has begun keeping the commandments, and whose immediate and extended family are all secular, asks whether it is necessary to hold the wedding with separation in the seating and in the dancing.
The argument is that I am causing them to sin. Am I causing them to sin? This coming Sabbath they will not observe anyway, and they will continue committing the same transgressions even without me. It’s true that they dance men and women together at my wedding, but they do that even without me at other weddings or at parties and other social outings.
Is it halakhically necessary to hold a wedding with separation?
Answer
In my opinion, there is no halakhic obligation to do so. Separation at a wedding is not, in itself, an obligation. Separation in the dancing is definitely necessary, but as you wrote, if we are talking about a public that does this anyway, and if you yourself are not organizing it, I do not see any prohibition in that.
The question is why have a big party at the wedding at all instead of having a small ceremony and not getting into this mess. Not only because of the mixed dancing, but simply because it is more intimate and nicer.
Discussion on Answer
That sounds very exaggerated to me. No one is excluding anyone. You have a small wedding, that’s all. Besides, if the goal is to bring them closer to Judaism, that’s certainly not a reason to organize mixed dancing.
Rabbi, regarding your last question: there are families in which cutting down the guest list would be remembered forever as a mark of Cain on the bride and groom, and would just cause ongoing unpleasant family relations. And besides, it would give them a good reason to distance themselves even more from Judaism when their relative became religious and excluded them from his wedding…