Q&A: Dancing at a Party
Dancing at a Party
Question
Hello Rabbi,
my wife and I like going together to dance parties. Recently we started observing Torah and commandments, and we want to ask: is there a halakhic problem with this? The answers we’ve received about it have been vague, and we’d be happy if the Rabbi could explain it to us in more detail. Thank you!
Answer
This is a question whose answer is not simple. It is commonly accepted among halakhic decisors that there is a halakhic prohibition on mixed dancing. I have not found a clear primary source (in the Talmud, or derived from the Torah, or an enactment of an ordained religious court) that explicitly forbids it. True, we do find a prohibition regarding a woman’s voice, and it is accepted among halakhic decisors that this applies only to singing and not to every sound a woman makes, and dancing would seemingly be much more stimulating to the sexual impulse. So on the face of it, it appears to be forbidden, although perhaps if it causes no improper thoughts at all (sexual arousal), then there is no actual halakhic prohibition. In any case, the custom is to forbid it, and at least from the standpoint of custom one should not do so.
Discussion on Answer
Forgive me for the bother, but I have to ask: doesn’t saying that one should not do this on the basis of custom amount to "do not add"?
Not at all. By that logic, every custom would be an addition.
As far as I remember, there’s a long discussion about this in "Bnei Banim"…
In my opinion, it depends a great deal on the style in question: are we talking about ballroom dancing intended to arouse desire? And if so, do you dance only with each other and avoid looking at other couples? (Otherwise it really does seem forbidden.) Or alternatively, maybe we’re just talking about "jumping-around dancing" (forgive me, I couldn’t find a better definition) that simply sort of lets out energy—you go wild and enjoy yourselves?
In my humble opinion, each case has to be judged on its own merits. You know whether this strengthens your marital harmony and mental well-being, or heaven forbid leads to sinful thoughts. In any case, it is important to avoid looking at other women/men immodestly, because the pitfalls that came out of this in the past were the motivation for Jewish communities around the world to repeatedly enact regulations against mixed dancing (which apparently wasn’t very successful back then, otherwise they wouldn’t have had to legislate it again and again…). In any event, custom is place-dependent. As implied by the wording of the question, the couple in question does not belong to a community that practices refraining from this, so apparently there is no issue here of violating local or communal custom either.
How do you know that it’s permitted?
But he’s with his wife—let him get turned on and jump around as much as he wants; what could possibly happen?