Q&A: Niddah, Modesty, Protecting the Poor
Niddah, Modesty, Protecting the Poor
Question
Hi,
Do you think that if a young man asks to see a picture of the young woman before a match is suggested to him, that’s problematic and better avoided? I don’t mean that he would ask his sister, for example, to find out for him what she looks like, but rather whether there is any issue with him himself asking for a picture before each suggestion and looking in order to check whether she seems suitable for him. Do you think there’s a problem with that, and is there reason to avoid it?
Another unrelated question: why does the Rabbi grow a beard? (Aside from the fact that you presumably like it, is there, in your opinion, some value in a rabbi having a beard?)
Answer
Absolutely not. The halakhic decisors have already discussed this. And in the Talmud itself we find (beginning of chapter 2 of tractate Kiddushin): “A man should not betroth a woman until he sees her.”
It’s a Jewish custom that I started long ago. I don’t see great value in it, but I got used to it that way. It also saves shaving.
Discussion on Answer
Willing*
I don’t see any problem with it. If it matters to you, then that’s perfectly fine. If not, that’s also perfectly fine.
Yes, the words of the Talmud are well known, but one could say that the intent is that he should not betroth her until he sees her. But should he also ask for a picture before even going out with her the first time, before deciding whether to go out with her? Does the Rabbi (setting aside the halakhic aspect of it) not see something problematic in this from a values perspective? Is there a problem with a person who is unwilling to consider any suggestion if the woman does not appeal to him physically? (That’s how I am, for example. Do you think there’s a problem with that aside from the halakhic aspect?)