Q&A: I Would Appreciate the Advice of a Wise Person, Like the Rabbi
I Would Appreciate the Advice of a Wise Person, Like the Rabbi.
Question
I know these aren’t the kinds of questions usually asked here of the Rabbi, but I would appreciate the advice of a wise person like the Rabbi.
I’ve been really struggling for quite a while with the transgression of wasting seed. I’m less into the kabbalistic side of it, and more into understanding that it is a sin. For some reason, no matter how much I try, it is still very hard for me.
First, I would like to know: does the very fact that I keep sinning in this indicate, in the Rabbi’s view, a flaw in my faith? When a person sins deliberately like I do, does that perhaps indicate insufficient belief? I don’t feel that way, but I don’t know.
The second question is much more important to me than the first. I know the Rabbi is a wise and educated man, and I wanted to know whether the Rabbi has any advice he can give me so that I can stop stumbling in this transgression? Start improving? I want to move forward, and I understand that this is a sin, but for some reason it is hard for me, and every time my spirits fall and I feel terrible about it.
Is there any advice you can give me?
Thank you very much, Rabbi!
Answer
Hello,
As you wrote, unfortunately I’m not the right address for advice like this.
As for the question whether there is a flaw in faith here, possibly yes. I’m not sure. But even if there is some deficiency in faith—that is the situation (that is your level of faith). It is not a defect but a fact.
Discussion on Answer
In this case, that’s only half a comfort.
If you aren’t married, you can at least take some comfort in the fact that the halakhic system did not intend for a person to remain unmarried until a late age.
Here is an example:
Rabbi Chiya was distressed by his wife. Whenever he found something suitable, he would wrap it in his cloak and bring it to her. Rav said to him: But she distresses my master so much! He said to him: It is enough for us that they raise our children and save us from sin.
Yevamot 63a.
It is important to clarify a basic point that is commonly concealed in religious education: almost all men masturbate, meaning over 99%. Each one at a different frequency; some people try to refrain, and perhaps a tiny fraction also succeed, but there is almost no one who does not masturbate. Even those who do not masturbate do this naturally and for physiological reasons, not by choice or self-restraint. Historically there are various strange reasons (probably Kabbalah and puritanical traditions) why a social falsehood became fixed, namely that masturbation is something one can avoid. To emphasize: the overwhelming majority of the population is not capable of refraining from masturbation naturally. There is no point in the unnecessary guilt. Good luck.
In my opinion, it is important to note that there are clear indications that this sin is extremely widespread (to put it mildly), and while it’s true that “the troubles of the many are the comfort of fools,” it does indicate that your difficulty may not be unusual. In other words, you’re normal. Don’t let your spirit be broken. Good luck.